Bharat Rakshak

found in a letter addressed to the Chief Of Naval Staff , which had the addressee as follows :

"To
The Chief of Navel Staff ".

i donno what reaction it might have got them from him

My apologies if posted before. Here are some jokes:

1) Captains Baldev Singh and Sukhdev Singh meet at the army mess one morning during the war.
Baldev Singh: "So, what are the plans for today Captain?"
Sukhdev Singh: "Today we'll be knocking over Lahore, Islamabad and Karachi"
Baldev Singh: "Great... and what about after breakfast?"

2) How do you recognize a Paki flag in a war?
It's white!

3)Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles.
This is so they can be more easily abandoned in enemy territory.

The Pakis

Biggest Jokers in this world.
You can see all of them lining to shoot videos of the incident and for slogan shouting.
Everyone is awaiting the brushing to take place.
Then barking again "Allahu akbar".
Pakis think such acts of foolishness and stupidity are actually braveness.

One of the funnies I picked up when speaking to someone on DPSU procurement process. Someone explained that how DPSU purchase people or management shy away from a buy descision making. Another quipped, it will root out the curruption in the system and only scams will remain. The third person added, the good part is we are doing this for the country.
Hopefully funny?

FUNNY ?

I FEEL

Just saw this on A.net

Looks like the dutch had a sense of humour in war

http://www.netherlandsnavy.nl/Special_soembadocket.htm

Why Pakistan Army officers wear brown pants ?
A long time ago, India and Pakistan were at war. During one battle, The Pakistanis captured an Indian major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the Pakistani general began to question him. The Pakistan general asked, "Why do you Indian officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland Indian way, the major informed the general that the reason Indian officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why from that day to now all Pakistan Army officers wear brown pants.

That's not the original joke. Why don't people check basic facts before posting such silly modifications of the original. Indian officers don't have red uniforms or even coats, British did.

Jai Hind making fun of DRDO Skin Cream. 3.00 mins onwards.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X3GglYFtBY

SDRE copied from BR?

^^ So is piskology..

^^ I love how BC Place and Rogers Arena/ Downtown Vancouver is in the background

At Jaurian, 10 Division of the Indian Army put up a concrete obelisk, which reads:



*from Capt. Amarinder Singh's India Today article: Men of Valour

Here is a " little Johnny" joke with slight military connotation:

Johnny's parents recieved a call from his school to come there immediately as they wanted to expel Johnny for misbehaviour in class. So Johnny's parents rushed there directly to the Principla's office.

"We are expelling Johnny because of his possession of a WMD in class!" barked the class teacher.

Johnny's parents went pale.

The Principal continued, "Johnny was using a rubber band with plastic pellets!"

The parents were perplexed and tense waiting for the worst yet to come.

"That", said the class teacher who dreaded Johnny the most, "is a WMD"

A Weapon of Math Disruption

(Reminded me of Iraq!)

That's priceless.

Some quotes from some old soldiers

"Friendly fire isn't"

"Incomming fire has the right of way"

"if one is short of every thing except enemy, one is in a combat zone"

Sardonic but funny as well.

Regards,

Brennan

भारत पर पाकिस्तान का परमाणु आक्रमण - अहमदाबाद में अणुबम का विस्फ़ोट .
लाखो लोगों की मृत्यु
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.
.
.

.
एक दिन मैं सपने में TV देख रहा था ।
तभी अचानक स्क्रीन से सारे दृश्य गायब हो गए तथा
स्क्रीन पर कुछ अक्षर उभरने लगे,जो कि इस प्रकार थे…

इसके बाद स्क्रीन पर नेताओं की प्रतिक्रियाएं आनी शुरू हो गईं जो कि इस प्रकार थीं-

1.भारत तुरंत अणुबम का उत्तर अणुबम से दे, पूरा
पाकिस्तान आज ही खत्म होना चाहिए - नरेन्द्र मोदी

2.हम जल्दबाजी में कुछ नहीं करेंगे,
हम जांच करेंगे कि यह परमाणु बम कहाँ से आया है - मनमोहन सिंह

3.मेरी सरकार जो करे सोच समझ कर करे, पाक सुधर जायेगा- सोनिया गाँधी

4.पाकिस्तान की सरकार की गलती की सजा वहाँ की प्रजा को नहीं दी जानी चाहिए- मुलायम सिंह

5.पाकिस्तान के मुसलमान मेरे भाई है, समय सब कुछ ठीक कर देगा - लालू प्रसाद यादव

6.मनमोहन सिंह को नरेन्द्र मोदी बनने से रोका जाना चाहिए- रामविलास पासवान

7. नरेंद्र मोदी जैसे लोगो जनभावनाओं को उकसा रहे है : भड़वा अग्निवेश

9. गांधी जी ने कहा था अपमान को पियो, हिंसा नहीं करनी है : हज़ारे

10. अमन की आशा चलाएँगे पाकिस्तान हमारा भाई है शांति आएगी : TOI, NDTV media

11. किसी एक की गलती को सारे देश के लोगो पर नहीं थोपना चाहिए : सलमान, शाहरुख

12. बीजेपी यहाँ हिन्दुत्व का कार्ड खेलने की कोशिश नहीं करे, शांति के प्रयास करे : प्रशांत भूषण

13. संघ की भी जांच होनी चाहिए - हो सकता है यह भारत ने ही फेंका हो ? हम जंश पूरी करने तक कुछ नहि कह सकते : डिग्गी

१४. अब ऐसा जापान मे भी हुआ था, हमें भी इसकी आदत डाल देनी चाहिए : रौल विंची
------
इसके बाद विभिन्न दलों के नेताओं के बीच चर्चा का आयोजन हुआ।चर्चा चल ही रही थी कि इसे बंद करके फ़िर से स्क्रीन पर शब्दों का आना शुरू हो गया,चण्डीगढ़ के आसमान में पाक का दूसरा अणु विस्फ़ोट।नेताओं की प्रतिक्रियाएं…

1.यदि पहले अणु विस्फ़ोट को मिनटों में उत्तर दिया जाता तो आधे घंटे में दूसरे अणु बम का विस्फ़ोट न होता - लाल कृष्ण आडवाणी

2. अब तो तुष्टिकरण छोड़ना होगा - नरेन्द्र मोदी

3. ये अहिंसा के पुजारी का देश है, हम ऐसा कोई काम नहीं करेंगे
की दुनिया हम पर थू थू करे - मनमोहन सिह

4. देश के लोगों शांति रखो सब ठीक हो जायेगा- सोनिया गाँधी

5. यह गांधी का देश है हम हिंसा का जवाब हिंसा से नहीं दे सकते- रामविलास पासवान

6. गुजरात और राजस्थान के हजारों लागों के रिश्तेदार पाकिस्तान में रहते हैं,
हमें उनकी भावनाओं का ख्याल रखना चाहिए- लालू प्रसाद यादव

7. भारत-भारत है, हम पाकिस्तान के मार्ग पर कैसे चल सकते हैं- मुलायम सिंह यादव

8. pak को एक मोका और देना चाहिए-अमर सिंह

9. भारत को सायं से काम लेना होगा, हम अहिंसा नहीं छोड़ेंगे : भड़वा अग्निवेश

10. सभी भगवान से मृतको कि शान्ति के लिए प्रार्थना करे : हज़ारे

11. नरेंद्र मोदी जैसे लोगो कोजेल मे डालो : अरंडती रॉय , विनायक सेन

फिर से स्क्रीन पर राजनेताओं में चर्चा का आरंभ हुआ। पुनः चर्चा आरंभ हुए अभी आधे घंटा हुआ कि फ़िर से स्क्रीन पर अक्षर आने लगे

जयपुर में तीसरा अणु विस्फ़ोट।तभी मेरा सपना टूटा और मेरे मुख से निकला यदि देश में तुष्टीकरण इसी तरह चलता रहा तो देश का क्या होगा…

India Against Congress Email Group

translated

Pakistan's nuclear attack on India - in Ahmedabad blast of Anubm.
Million deaths
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In the dream I was watching TV one day.
Suddenly, the scene disappeared from the screen and
Some characters on the screen began to emerge, which were as follows ...

The screen on the leaders began to feel that the responses were as follows -

1. India immediately Anubm Anubm give the answer, complete
Pakistan must end today - Narendra Modi

2. We will not do anything rash,
We will investigate where it came from the atomic bomb - Manmohan Singh

3. I thought the government to do that, Pakistan will improve - Sonia Gandhi

4. Pakistan's government of the people should not sin - Mulayam Singh

5. Pakistani Muslims are my brothers, the time will make everything right - Lalu Prasad Yadav

6. Manmohan Singh Narendra Modi should be allowed to become - Ram Vilas Paswan

7. Forcing people like Narendra Modi is popular passions: Bdwa Agnivesh

9. Gandhi said, the insults, Drink, do not want violence: Hazare

10. Pakistan is our brother run the hope of peace peace: TOI, NDTV media

11. One must impose on people all over the country mistake: Salman Khan

12. BJP should not try to stoke Hindu here, the prospects for peace to: Prashant Bhushan

13. Association should be investigated - may be thrown out of India? No we can not say anything until they complete Jnsh: Diggi

14. Now it happened in Japan, we should get used to it: Rul Vinci
------


1. If the molecules are answered within minutes to blow the half-hour of the second atomic bomb does not blow - Lal Krishna Advani

2. Appeasement will have to leave now - Narendra Modi

3. The priest is a land of violence, we will not do anything that
Pooh pooh the world to us - Manmohan Singh

4. The cool people will be all right - Sonia Gandhi

5. This is the land of Gandhi, we respond to violence with violence can not - Ram Vilas Paswan

6. Gujarat and Rajasthan, thousands of relatives of people living in Pakistan,
We should take care of their feelings - Lalu Prasad Yadav

7. India - India, Pakistan, on the way how can we - Mulayam Singh Yadav

8. an authority and should pak - Amar Singh

9. India will have to pm, we will not violence: Bdwa Agnivesh

10. Pray for the peace of God that all Mritko: Hazare

11. Do people like Narendra Modi in Kojel: Arndti Roy, Vinayak Sen

Politicians began to discuss it on the screen. Re just half an hour of discussion that had the characters on the screen again

^^That Google translation is so horrible, it is a joke in itself

Female Cop arresting a Fighter Pilot: "Sir you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say WILL be held against you."
..
...
.....
.......
He says "Tits!"

KASHMIR - HUMOROUSLY EXPLAINED

A Kashmiri, a reporter and a tough old soldier were captured by terrorists
in Kashmir . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them
one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the
streets.

The Kashmiri said,'Well, I'm a foodie, so I'd like one last plate of
tandoori chicken.'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the Chicken. *
The Kashmiri ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

The reporter said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen.
Maybe, someday, someone will hear
it and know that I was on the job till the end.The leader directed an
aide to hand over the tape recorder and the reporter
dictated his comments.

He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned to the soldier and asked, 'And now, Havaldarji, what is
your final wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the soldier.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the
soldier.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol
from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting
confusion, he emptied his firearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he
slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took from one of the
already dead terrorists, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 5.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.


As the soldier was untying the Kashmiri and the reporter, they asked him,
'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask
him to kick you in the ass?

'Because' replied the soldier, 'if I had shot first, you two assholes
would have reported that I was the aggressor and the root cause of all the blood
shedding in Kashmir ?'

.... Such is the irony of Indian Democracy !!

^^ Oh dear God... Can't stop ..

Hahaha - you caught the nerve Sachin - Class...

^ +1

No-Pakistani-jokes-please-we-are-Indian-Army

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/No-Pakistani-jokes-please-we-are-Indian-Army/articleshow/11622925.cms

Sorry, i din't get it.
What's so funny about it?

Such is the irony of Indian Democracy

Deal ya no deal.
http://bit.ly/xxQVsG

The tank pic looks like a still from 'Border'.... silly stunts but i loved the paki bashing

Just remembered an urban legend, have adopted it to suit Indian conditions. Sorry if it is a repost

USS George H W Bush, somewhere in the Indian Ocean with her usual flotilla of assorted vessels, gets a call on the radio

Caller: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
USSGHWB: You divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Caller: Sir, Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
USSGHWB: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course or face consequences.
Caller: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
USSGHWB: This is the aircraft carrier USS George H W Bush, the largest ship in the United States' Pacific fleet. We have just been deployed in this region and are full on weapons and supplies. We are accompanied by three destroyers, four frigates, two SSNs and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Caller: This is the Kanyakumari Lighthouse. Your call.

Adaptation from :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lighthouse_and_naval_vessel_urban_legend

Aptly!!! And shall remain so!!!!

A GOC visits one of the units in his formation. All the Officers are lined up to be introduced

Lt A: <Salutes the general> Introduces himself
General : What are you doing in the unit
Lt A: I am a Platoon Cdr in A Coy sir.
Lt B: < Salutes the general> Introduces himself.
..
Capt D: <Salutes the general> Introduces himself.
General: What are you doing
Capt: Standing in front of you and saluting you sir !

Genesis of VKS DoB row, also as per many in this forum.

http://yfrog.com/oekpqvsj
by Shiv Aroor

I hope this not a repeat post but if someone wants to read about life in nda then there is this book Boots,Belts and Berets by Tanushree Poddar. Its laced with humour....(Admins hope i have not posted this in the wrong thread. Please feel free to move it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... VZs90&NR=1

What army is this?

looks like south america.

Supposedly Colombian.