Islamabad test,latest news:
Gen.Salim Fah-mi (aka "Slimy"):
"Good morning to you all on this glorious Sunday morning,the weather gods seem to be smiling as we enter another exciting day's play in this amazing topsy-turvy test that is taking place in the "Land of the Pure"...sorry,Puke! After yesterday's display of the two batsmen staying at the crease,taking few risks on this sticky wicket,along with the numerous pitch invasions,the side bowling led by the Sheriff spent hours late into the night reworking their strategy as to how to bowl out the two dogged batsmen.We've got the latest news from our expert commentator,Gen.Hamid Bull.Over to you Hamid!"
Gen.Bull:Thank you Gen. Fah-mi (not to be pronounced as f*ck me!).Nobody plays the ignoble game better than Pukeistan! We are the only country in the world where the game is played without using a straight bat,and it makes the game all the more unpredictable and exciting,especially for the spectators who won't know what hit them when the sh*t hits the fan,as our friends in Afghanistan have enjoyed watching the Yanquis retreating towards the pavilion,unable to handle the bouncers of the ISI and Taliban quickies! But then those jokers play only a crude ball game called "baseball",which means ,always run back to base! .
Gen.Fah-mi:....Good one Bull! Ha!Ha! How Gen.Sahib Parvez ...oops,Pervert would've loved this one.Incidentally,where is he watching the match from? He should be in the VVIP tent with a glass of scotch in his hand not confined to his luxurious home,watching the play on his ultra wide curved telly stroking his belly and his kuthas! You know its bl**dy outrageous treating such an infamous bounder like him this way....not cricket at all,not at all...pass the bottle by the way.
Gen. Bull: Slimy,the Sheriff is a cunning kutha,he has had a potential ace up his sleeve ,the Zardar of Sindh,whose ability to wriggle out of tight situations using his famous ball,the "deal-cutter",might spring a few surprises to the batsmen.The Zardar has reportedly agreed to support the Sheriff ,though he was in a sulk at him some time ago.However,the game has now changed and the Zardar who was sidelined,now looks to renew his usefulness and importance in the Puki cricketing world."Captain Khan" has however vowed to "play till the last ball".The two batsmen at the crease are very different in character though.One Qadri (aka "Cut-throat") very orthodox in style,looks like WG Grace with his long beard,with a limited range of strokes,while the flamboyant Khan has been known to play a wide range of strokes,down to fine leg,long leg,short leg,square leg,in fact the b*gger loves "playing the field" as his ex Jemima will tell you!
Gen.Bull: But you know Slimy,the outcome of any test in Pukeistan is always decided by the umpires.I wonder what our sheriff,Gen.Sharif sahib and GHQ are cooking up!
Gen.Bull: I say Slimy,our chappies at the ISI have discovered Captain Khan's secret strategist and coach.He's a bl**dy Indian! That b*gger Kejriwal,sorry...Jokeri-wal! Can't you see that he's using the same outfield tactics as Jokeri-wal?
Gen.Fah-mi: Scandalous! What a chor,using bl**dy Indian tactics just like that bounder Gandhiji! But then Bull,don't you know what the inevitable outcome will be?! Certain defeat!
Gen.Bull: Shabash! Let's ring Karachi and Mr."D" and find out how the match is being fixed,so we can place out bets!
Last edited by Philip
on 24 Aug 2014 09:08, edited 3 times in total.