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Comments on Dance of the Flamingo-Story By Sanku

chaanakya
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby chaanakya » 14 Jun 2010 23:51

Ah the Mobile phone trick.
Speechless. Who could respond so fast?

madhusoodan
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby madhusoodan » 15 Jun 2010 00:28

8) Kindred Souls......They are everywhere..... :evil: :evil: :evil:

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Klaus » 15 Jun 2010 06:19

Really good verbal volley between esteemed Shri Manav ji and Polkovnik Vassily.

I am sure that Manav has already succeeded to a great extent in getting into the head of Vassily, I also feel that this (alongwith his alertness in monitoring the car's movements and sorroundings) may give him the slightest edge in escaping the ambush (which is an obvious attempt to finish off Manav once and for all).

nits
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby nits » 15 Jun 2010 10:11

Klaus wrote: escaping the ambush (which is an obvious attempt to finish off Manav once and for all).


You never know it may also be planned to let Manav escape... :?:

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Bala Vignesh » 15 Jun 2010 10:20

true... but considering he is blinded.. it could be just a trick to get him into believing that he is being finished off...

nits
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby nits » 15 Jun 2010 12:01

I have stopped thinking how will this unfold... too hot to handle :)

Also what about the scenario where Major Parameshwaran found some thing "big" in there Kashmir raid... ? how this will link up...

i need to be having more patience.. :-?

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 15 Jun 2010 13:51

I actually thought that the story was somewhat predictable. May be it will be once it pans out fully (very shortly)

The kind folks should reserve judgment till it finishes, many times the end is weak and spoils the early fun.
:oops:

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Bala Vignesh » 15 Jun 2010 14:11

Sanku saar, Could you please do a double post today... Its just too much to bear...

nits
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby nits » 15 Jun 2010 14:12

Sanku Ji... The story is going super fantastic... and we are liking every bit of it.... its just that suspense is killing us and we are trying to make our own assumptions...:)

IMO Judgment is frozen and accepted that its one of the Best we have read so far and you should seriously consider publishing your story...

ramana
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby ramana » 16 Jun 2010 01:28

Sanku, Dont mind lekin:



Memory, symbols and pattern these are the things that humans can identify. When you re-read the story, you start saying to yourself where have I seen this before, what are the symbols and patterns?


To me it so far it looks like a quest story. A hero figure travels to a far away land, seeking a high value item of importance to his native land/group of people, undergoes many challenges and trials and not to mention distractions. Along the way there are themes of communion/camaradarie.

Questor: Manav on a mission to seek a high value item

A place to go: Russia where the high value item is available. He travels form India to Russia and from his past military life to his unknown future.

A stated reason to go there: He has been tasked by high authorities to seek the high value item. Unlike in the classic quest story where he gets tasked by a beautiful lady, in this he gets tasked by a scientist/teacher figure who works for Mother India.

An evil protoganist(s): Some one wants to prevent the hero figure from aquiring the high value item.

Challenges and trials on the way: He meets obstacles for his quest. He gets narrowly killed and now is in an ambush.

Communion/Camaradarie: The visit to the Officers mess, the common dining with his team, the encounter with Liliya and so on and so forth.

Real reason to go: We havent found that yet!

I think we are still in the challenges and trials period and are spell bound while the real treat is when we find the real reason to go. I guess its when Manav the hero figure finds himself and acts on his own and decides the value of the item.

Note since its a quest story, the role of Liliya is miniscule :(

Just as it was for Medea in Jason and the Argonauts!



So Sankuji while you think you are dabbling in time pass, Ma Saraswati is speakin thru you. So please dont hold back and let it flow!

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 16 Jun 2010 01:33

Ramana Sir, its almost embarrassing, but these are very nice points, I will save a response for after the story is over.

Meanwhile, I just have a small complaint, if I may, I have not taken this as time pass. This may be good bad or ugly, but this was a exercise in passion, often at other costs of time.

Thank you Mahodaya.

ramana
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby ramana » 16 Jun 2010 01:36

Ok. Point well taken. My point is its literature you are writing. And it has structure and flow! And its good. Thats why it appeals to the readers. I hope you dont take my comments in wrong way. If so my apologies.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 16 Jun 2010 01:41

No Sir, from you almost nothing can be taken amiss. People like you and very specifically you are/is the reason I am here, I may even be your Shishya in eklavya mode. :)

Just wanted to say that it did take effort, lot of it.

nits
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby nits » 16 Jun 2010 14:25

Sanku wrote: Manav spoke a soft prayer of gratitude and let his body slump down, his face level with the floor, breathing softly, letting the silence wash over him, his mind drifting away.


I can visualize every bit of it... Superb Narration Sanku Ji !!

chaanakya
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby chaanakya » 17 Jun 2010 20:09

Sanku wrote:Dance of the flamingo -- Post 44

“I am taking back the tea, you will not need it any more I think.” Getting up the man continued “rest now, the others would be coming,


So it was that mobile. Suspense is superb, Master story teller, you are surpassing the best of them.Ever think of getting it published.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Atri » 17 Jun 2010 21:12

chaanakya wrote:
Sanku wrote:Dance of the flamingo -- Post 44

“I am taking back the tea, you will not need it any more I think.” Getting up the man continued “rest now, the others would be coming,


So it was that mobile. Suspense is superb, Master story teller, you are surpassing the best of them.Ever think of getting it published.


I am thinking about making a movie out of it.. I already have imagined Hritik roshan OR K.K.Menon as Manav, Amitabh bachchan as the Mystical guy from Military intelligence in the beginning who first calls Manav as Indra...Anupam kher as the Sikh Air Commodore, Paresh Rawal as Pandey ji, Surya as Major Parameshwaran, few firangs for the role of Ruskies; one blonde hottie as Lilaya, Sushant Singh as Col. Prakash, Aditya Shrivastava as Sahastrabuddhe, Abhimanyu Singh as Thapa, and Nasiruddin Shah as the PMO official.. I think he will be the key player in the climax.. But not sure though.. Alternatively Nasir can be Wing commander Manna..

damn, its an awesome movie.. :) too bad, only I can watch it...

Bala Vignesh
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Bala Vignesh » 17 Jun 2010 22:36

Thanks for the casting... I think all of us can now watch it the theater in our mind???

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Prasad » 18 Jun 2010 11:41

Man, sanku you should quit goofing around in the tank ande c-17 dhaagas and finish this story! You write far too well to be fighting in the trenches in the other threads :mrgreen:

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 18 Jun 2010 12:13

Thank you all for the very kind words, But Prasad Sir, fighting in the trenches is what has made the imagination and content for the story possible, on BRF and elsewhere.
:)

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 18 Jun 2010 12:17

chaanakya wrote:So it was that mobile. Suspense is superb, Master story teller, you are surpassing the best of them.Ever think of getting it published.


Well I hope some publisher type is lurking around on BRF reading your views Sir.

BTW, the drive to write the story came about in parts due to another drive that I had taken, but had fizzled out, which was to try and create a plan for publishing house which would be nationalist view as opposed to the lefty circus that we have.

Ramana Guru had had prodded me too, but my initial spadework ran into so much resistance that it fizzled out. May be I will try and revive that exercise now.

A lot of great work exists on BRF, if only we could find a way to provide it wider dissemination.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby bksahu » 18 Jun 2010 14:14

Sanku Bhai,

I am still gasping for breath and totally speechless......Marvellous story.....

Ankit Desai
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Ankit Desai » 18 Jun 2010 20:26

Nice story Sanku, enjoyed a lot till end.

Ankit

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 18 Jun 2010 23:36

Thanks folks.

A three post epilogue remains, starting tomorrow.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby ManuJ » 18 Jun 2010 23:46

Sanku, thank-you for a wonderful, sumptuous story. Very well written, and with a lot of passion.

Re: creating a publishing outlet for jingos, this is in area which is close to my heart too. I have some ideas, though vague. We should start talking and exchanging ideas, maybe something will come out of it. If interested, please email me kuchlikho at gmail dot com.

Thanks once again for the story.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Manish_Sharma » 19 Jun 2010 00:45

Sanku wrote:BTW, the drive to write the story came about in parts due to another drive that I had taken, but had fizzled out, which was to try and create a plan for publishing house which would be nationalist view as opposed to the lefty circus that we have.
Ramana Guru had had prodded me too, but my initial spadework ran into so much resistance that it fizzled out. May be I will try and revive that exercise now.


A lot of great work exists on BRF, if only we could find a way to provide it wider dissemination.


Great writeup Sanku! I am honoured to be allowed on BR and be a fellow poster to creative, knowledgeable genius like yourself. It would be a criminal waste not only to the bhartiya jingoes, but to spy military reading enthusiasts world over if your works don't get published.

A humble suggestion:
Please write up the resistance you came across in your endeavour regarding publishing. Perhaps jingoes can according to their capacity suggest/contribute together to make it a success.

ramana
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby ramana » 19 Jun 2010 01:10

There is a lot of resistance even in US for folks to get published. There as this woman writer on NPR talking about how she self-published 11 books before getting picked up by a publisher. She started in 1999 putting Word Doc files for people to download for a nominal fee. Once the fee got dropped she got some downloads :( !
Having said that, she came up with idea to get a 1000 copies printed and sent set of 20 copies to book stores with proviso that she would come and sign them at the store. Apparently book lovers love a signed copy especially by the author in their presence. This way she managed to create a demand for her books and that led to a publisher coming up with an offer. Here again strings are attached in that she has to go around on book promotion tours etc. She even got one of them picked up for screen play!

I think there is a vacuum for Indian things written by Indian writers. This is what appeals to us despite watching Bond etc. We want our own symbols and we are coming to age in the international arena. In other words we want our own mythos and not some Western narrative.

So we can set up a self-publish enterprise where : Dileep and Sanku and may be Airavat for starters can get there books published and get them launched by jingo opinion makers in desh.
Steps are:
- Get the books edited in correct language(most of us but some one like Rangadu to oversee)
- Get good illustrations or sketches (Need to contact desi artists willing to help)
- Drop dead cover graphics (keshav or Rudradev can help)
- Put this in Pagemaker or whatever format the printers need
- run trial of 500 -1000 copies
- have a book launch by known opinion maker
- Have the book discussed by blogs
- Have promo tours
- Do this ten times!

Bala Vignesh
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Bala Vignesh » 19 Jun 2010 13:47

Sanku sir... spellbinding work... i got so lost into the narrative that when i finished i realized my boss was watching over my shoulders reading them along with me... Now he's lurking around here somewhere...

It was a simple get well soon card unsigned but for piece of soft satin stapled where the sender would usually put his name, drenched in a perfume he was familiar with, and had taken a liking for. Manav smiled, perhaps his remaining stay in Moscow was going to very interesting after all.


Please no bollywood type ending....

chaanakya
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby chaanakya » 19 Jun 2010 16:02

Sanku wrote:
chaanakya wrote:So it was that mobile. Suspense is superb, Master story teller, you are surpassing the best of them.Ever think of getting it published.


Well I hope some publisher type is lurking around on BRF reading your views Sir.


A little encouragement is always good, but publishing world is more realistic than even hard nosed realist. As Ramana garu pointed out steps to get published requires persistence in enterprise and a right approach.
First of all you don't write for publishing but to express yourself creatively.
Second read this
Third, get a good e-book writer like this or some other suitable writer.
Fourth setup a blogging type website with catchy name where you, vivek shankar and others can give snippets of scenario and links to the books. Don't write full book there else no one will buy it.Get a domain name I can host it for you, for some time till you get your own hosting.Its my payback for reading your writeups..
Follow ramana garu advice for graphics etc. as covers and illustrations. Gagan is good for this and I hope he has time to spare.
Use adwords, affiliate programmes to earn extra bucks to sustain website without much investment on your part ( except initial cost Rs 5000 to 9000)
Use Amazon , e-junkie or e-bay to sell your books.
Keep sending manuscripts to publishing houses as advised in earlier link.
Once you get enough money from website , get some hard copies of your books also available for those who may like to keep it, signed premium editions.

Get books edited and reviewed by a veteran editor, ( he might demand some charge, it is worth it).

It will take sometime before first manuscript is accepted. Though the quality of them are such that you and others might get lucky first time.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Chinmayanand » 20 Jun 2010 16:28

It feels as if finally i read one complete scenario or story. Sanku mian , you got talent. 8)

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby kancha » 21 Jun 2010 12:32

Just a minor nitpick -

CAS = Chief of the Air Staff.
COAS = Chief of Army Staff.

Sanku
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 21 Jun 2010 12:37

kancha wrote:Just a minor nitpick -

CAS = Chief of the Air Staff.
COAS = Chief of Army Staff.


Thanks, corrected.

ramana
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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby ramana » 21 Jun 2010 20:50

Sanku, I will move the comments etc to another thread by tomorrow.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Sanku » 21 Jun 2010 20:51

Sure thing Guru, there is one more post by tomorrow, and then the story is over.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Rahul M » 22 Jun 2010 14:40

awesome, kudos ji !

dileep saar, your turn ! :wink: you guys have spoilt us ! :D

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Jaeger » 22 Jun 2010 14:56

^^Wow. Just wow.

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Bala Vignesh » 22 Jun 2010 16:25

awesome finish sir... Loved it to the max... When can we expect the next story, sanku ji...

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Tanaji » 22 Jun 2010 16:27

Very nice, a very nice read! Congrats!

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby RamaY » 22 Jun 2010 18:22

Exceptionally done Sanku-ji. Pranams!

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby Pratyush » 22 Jun 2010 19:55

Great writeup!

I had to read some posts more than once to fully understand the meaning of what was being conveyed. But it was wonderful to read.

Selfishly looking forward to much more from you in terms of fiction :)

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Re: Dance of the Flamingo_Story by Sanku

Postby JTull » 22 Jun 2010 21:08

Well done! Best effort at a story by anyone so far.

Lots of unanswered questions about Manav's past. Also, when he was sent to the airport to fly out of airport without giving him a chance to call anyone, how could Cmdr Prapash have that call from India to urgently contact Manav (surely, hidden hand would not reveal itself so clearly).


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