Military Humor and related

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Rakesh
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/TheLegateIN/status/ ... 01600?s=20 --->

Afghan Taliban: "There used to be only two superpowers in the world: The United States and the Taliban."

"But Taliban defeated US and is now the sole superpower."
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by LakshmanPST »

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Thakur_B
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Thakur_B »

^^ I pity our southern birathers who won't be able to understand the language, for this is a masterpiece that can't be translated :rotfl:
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by k prasad »

Thakur_B wrote:^^ I pity our southern birathers who won't be able to understand the language, for this is a masterpiece that can't be translated :rotfl:
Don't worry Saar ... Some of us southern biradars studied in KVs, and can appreciate this gem!
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

This is really beautifully done. The best line was B-Lock III :rotfl:
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by k prasad »

The sudden shifts between good Urdu and colloquialism got me every time!
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by aharam »

LakshmanPST wrote::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
:cry: I have no idea if this is sarcasm or not, but this is beyond the pale I say. Bright blue IR AA at wing tips against gray surely catches ones eye in a dogfight where that AA is in any way usable. And the green example with the star on it, in flight is rather eye catching - one doesn't expect grass in the sky. Please tell me this is an Onion article.

Cheers
A KV biraadar with UP and Tamil parents - Braj and tamizh moyiee
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by chetak »

During a radio quiz, the panel of experts was asked a question concerning gun salutes: “When a Royal Prince is born, 21 guns are fired; when a Royal Princess is born, 18 guns are fired. What should be the salute if Royal twins are born?”

The German Professor, an expert on international Royal Etiquette did not know, but the elderly retired Royal Navy Commander on the panel recollected that when he was in Malta, the Admiral’s daughter gave birth to twins and they fired the Flag Lieutenant.

Those were the days !
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Just read some of the replies to the first tweet below :rotfl:

https://twitter.com/TheLegateIN/status/ ... 09793?s=20 ---> Pakistan's foreign ministry planning a several million dollar aid package for Congo.

https://twitter.com/DefenceChamber/stat ... 70944?s=20 ---> Sir, mujhe bhi itna hi confidence chahiye life mein.

https://twitter.com/DfIlite/status/1482 ... 67330?s=20 ---> Lol.....first try not to default in next loan interest installment.

https://twitter.com/Stone31075705/statu ... 46624?s=20 ---> It's maybe printing mistake...the original news in Pakistan is foreign ministry decided to take several dollar aid from Congo.
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by LakshmanPST »

This Max Matrix is hilarious...

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Re: Military Humor and related

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manmohan »

Manmohan wrote:Image

Link

Sharing some excerpts with the permission of the author
It so happened that a young, newly married Captain Subhajit had just reported back to his unit in Kota, Rajasthan with his young bride still new to the ways of the army. Less than a week later, a very senior officer was to visit the location and he was made responsible for the lunch that would be hosted for the VIP guest.

On the day of the lunch, his wife, being the newest lady in the station, found herself seated right next to the guest couple. In the course of casual chit-chat over the meal, the guest asked her how well was she adjusting to army life.

Pat came the reply from the young lady - 'I don’t like it very much.’

Capt Subhajhit, who is now a Colonel, tells that since he was not eating at that moment, thanks to his responsibility to ensure all arrangements went smoothly, he didn’t quite know what happened, but he saw the entire room suddenly go quiet!

He didn’t know it then, but his wife was not very happy at her husband being away in office for long periods of time, and she told the guest in as many words!

What she probably didn’t know was that Capt Subhajit was in a spin over the past few days because a visit by such a senior officer required a lot of preparations in advance. But then, it wouldn’t be fair to blame a young lady whose entire exposure to army life was hardly a week long!

Anyhow, back to the silence.

It lingered on for a few, excruciatingly long seconds before the guest sought out Capt Subhajit’s commanding officer and asked him to see to it that the situation is rectified at the earliest.

And true to the traditions of military efficiency, Capt Subhajit and his wife were ORDERED to proceed for a four day long sojourn to the nearby Ranthambhore National Park that very day!

As they say, all is well that ends well. This is exactly what happened in this case as well, along with a story that has been told and retold over and over again!
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by ks_sachin »

A GoCs visit perhaps!
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manmohan »

Image

Link

Sharing some excerpts with the permission of the author
A young Lieutenant Faraz had just been commissioned into a battalion of the Sikh Regiment, which moved to the Line of Control shortly thereafter, even as he moved on for his Young Officers’ Course that would keep him away from the battalion for a few months.

Upon rejoining, he was sent straight to his company that was manning a forward post on the Line of Control. However, despite it being a highly active location, the boys would still take out time for a couple of hours of volleyball each evening.

That day, Faraz too joined them.

Soon, it was his chance to serve to the opposite team and he made his way just beyond the right corner of his court to serve. However, the senior NCO of his team came rushing and suggested that he serve from the left edge of the court instead.

Faraz was reluctant to do so because he had always preferred the right corner to serve, and soon a discussion about the merits and demerits ensued.

In the end, it was the NCO who won that round of discussions when he told Faraz that the area just beyond the right corner of the court was under direct enemy observation and would draw fire if he tried to serve from there!

Needless to say, even to this day, Lt Col Faraz prefers to serve from the left corner of the court whenever playing volleyball!
:rotfl:
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by basant »

Posted here for the lack of proper thread (IMHO)

India will ‘possibly’ not import any defence items going forward: Defence Ministry official
India does not differentiate between foreign and domestic companies but going forward, it will “possibly” not import any defence item, a top Defence Ministry official said on Wednesday. India was the world’s largest importer of major arms in 2017–21 and accounted for 11 per cent of total global arms imports in the period, Stockholm-based defence think-tank SIPRI had stated earlier this month.

“I have friends from global OEMs like Lockheed Martin sitting right here. It is not a commentary on foreign OEMs because we are ownership agnostic now,” he said. The Centre does not differentiate between foreign OEMs and L&Ts (domestic OEMs) of the world, Jaju stated. “For us, all of you are equal. All our policies are designed in a manner in which all of you get equal opportunities. But one point that is now coming is that going forward, possibly we will not be importing anything. One can say that at the outset,” he said.
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by ernest »

Image

Referencing a certain pakistani news report

Image
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Thakur_B »

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

1. General Manoj Mukund Naravane (COAS)
2. Lieutenant General Manoj Pande (COAS-Designate)
3. Lieutenant General Manoj Kumar Katiyar (DGMO-Designate)

https://twitter.com/Chopsyturvey/status ... osfrfffW2A ---> Interesting. 2nd Manoj relieving 1st Manoj. 3rd Manoj moving as DGMO. If 1st Manoj becomes CDS, imagine Manoj telling Manoj to bring along Manoj for an Op discussion. Manoj times ahead.
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by ks_sachin »

The Lesson...

It was 5:30 am in the morning, at the Drill grounds at Officer’s Training Academy, Chennai!
Fresh 134 GCs, men & women, were all lined up for their first address by the Academy Adjt, the beginning of their journey to become a ranked officer, in one of the most elite forces of the world, the Indian Army.
The Drill SM, announced the arrival of the Adjt & the entire batch of GCs were put to attention. The Adjt got off his staff car & from the back seat, jumped out a German Shepherd dog, to the utter disbelief of the gathered GCs! They were already looking at each other from the corner of their eyes! What’s a dog supposed to do at an induction speech?
The Adjt stepped up to the GCs & the dog followed his footsteps & sat right next to where he was standing! The Adjt proceeded with the induction:
“Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the OTA, Chennai. I have got a special guest with me today, whom I would like you all to meet. This is Oliver & he has come all the way today, to help me in inducting you all to this institution & its values”.
The GCs were even more confused than before & it showed on their faces!
“Confused”? Asked the Adjt & gave a little grin.
“This dog was picked up from a forward troubled location, at the age of 2 months, was fed, treated & trained in our facility for more than a year & then he became part of the team. Throughout his life, he has been a part of many operations & in one such operation, he took 2 bullets upfront, to save me & my team from insurgents & fractured his leg in such a way, that he had to be retired & I adopted him”.
“We didn’t give him anything, except food & shelter & that was enough for his loyalty to take a bullet to his chest. I learnt three lessons from Oliver & those would be your first lessons of induction:
1). Loyalty is not Red, Pink or Grey! Its Black or White! its either there, or its not!
2). Loyalty always & always, comes from the heart! No other organ in your body can manufacture loyalty!
3). Loyalty is most simple! It always remembers what was done in the past, but never cares what would be done in future!
“Always embrace the three rules of loyalty in war, peace, life, family, friendship & elsewhere required! They would define your character, always!”
“Dispersed!!!!”

:)
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by basant »

Must watch!
sajan @sajaniaf
I have so many questions….

Video: https://twitter.com/i/status/1525822410930688000

6:26 PM · May 15, 2022
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/TheLegateIN/status/ ... TkYP0rHV0w ---> Chinese Govt approved survey of Chinese citizens:

Least liked countries in China:

1. USA 2. India

Most liked countries in China:

1. Russia 2. Pakistan.
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/chatterjeea330/stat ... P_eX7_4rRQ ---> In lighter vein … No offence to to all my seniors …. “Explains why so many Sr Officers become 100 disabled just before retirement even though he held the highest office requiring S1A1 medical standards”.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/chatterjeea330/stat ... P_eX7_4rRQ ---> Now Navy makes SMART to resolve SPARSH … amazing.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/joe_sameer/status/1 ... FYbl9Bg2xw ----> Fly By Wire...

(Courtesy - Mark Brabley)

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Had to share this...too funny...

https://twitter.com/TNSubbaRao1/status/ ... SmyJQjQF8Q ---> Heard that even MOSQUITOES have refused to take.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by AdityaM »

The whole #TopGunMaverick movie mission could have been replaced by a single #BrahMos missile doing a terminal S-manoeuvre to evade air defences followed by a vertical steep dive on the target
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Thakur_B »

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Are we really that old? :rotfl:

https://twitter.com/singhshwetabh71/sta ... JZAuXLILPw ----> Indian Def twitter is basically
- old BR dudes (who were discussing Indian Defence, probably before i was born)
- new dfi/stratfront (or other forums) dudes
- mid 2010s facebook defence dudes
- defence youtubers
- guys who watch youtube
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/ron_eisele/status/1 ... -tZek8i7sg ---> Panavia Tornado GR4, summer cabriolet special edition.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by SBajwa »

Atta Kadah ke mortar saff, Mortar Action Vich.

Sikh Unit is innovative( Army Humour)

Thumb rule, humour is humour never take it personal

The English meaning of the headline is, the mortar will be in action, the moment we take out the flour from the barrels and clean it

Sikhs like jats are brash, they speak their mind and being innovative is their first quality.

Once there was a Sikh Battalion deployed in mountains, they were moving to other place on man pack basis, means they carry every weapon system, ammunition, food etc on their back.

They had stopped for a break and their GOC, a South Indian General wanted to know about the unit, he couldn't understand Punjabi well.

He asked the unit mortar platoon NCO a few questions" Jawan, what is the maximum range of your mortars?

The rustic NCO said, Sahib 5400 gaj.
2nd question" minimum range of mortars.

Answer" Sahib chahe sirr te Sutt lau( means, you can have the bombs falling on your head if you keep the tube strait up)

Next question" How much time does it take to bring the mortars in action?

Ans. "Sabb ji Atta kadan di aur barrel safai di derr hai, mortar action vich( means, we have to just empty the wheat flour from the barrels, clean it and mortar, it will be in action)

General Sahib did not understand his punjabi and asked the NCO to explain slowly.
The NCO Said" Sahib exercise time it is difficult to carry a bag of wheat flour, we fill up the barrels of mortar with atta

General Sahib added his wit; "Parathe bana ke dall lena tha barrel main, barrel bhi lubricate ho jati"

Major Gurdeep Samra
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/prints_india/status ... sKIPujj62A ---> For heavy payload deliveries - Sukhoi Su-30MKI.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/chatterjeea330/stat ... VoqLswcoUw ---> One of my cartoons in a Naval Magazine. Can't figure out why they had to emphasize the TS part while giving acknowledgement. My SPARSH details are not updated so accurately.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

Not exactly 'Humor' i know.. but still

When the boys at Lockheed Martin feel retro nostalgic...

https://twitter.com/RAeSTimR/status/161 ... iAgcuWyH0w ---> If you've ever wondered what would happen if a current Lockheed Martin F-35 engineer fell through a time portal and ended up meeting Kelly Johnson in 1941, wonder no more! #avgeek (via Yeeky Zhang on Artstation) https://artstation.com/artwork/b55z0k

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Re: Military Humor and related

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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by rahulm »

Received in my NDA WA group:

ESSENCE OF LIFE AT NDA:
(Author not known)

Dunno who the author is, but he has brilliantly and very precisely captured the essence of life at the NDA. The process of the transformation - from Boys to Men. I had goosebumps recalling every bit of my life there. I'm sure you would too, if you have been there. If you havent, I'm sure it would give you a peek into what life there is all about. What makes us, the alumni rave about it with serious intensity decades after we graduated. Read on...

National Defence Academy, Khadakvasla, Pune.

The NDA was built in a valley in Khadakvasla, Pune in the '50s. One of the first joint service academies in the world, the NDA is truly world class. Spread over 7,500 acres with the best of facilities and imposing buildings and structures.

28 years older, not too much wiser and almost as juvenile I realise that the old guys were right. As Bryan Adams would aptly put it 'these were the best days of my life'...

Reminds me of the T-shirt i saw that read, 'I was born cold, wet and hungry...then things got worse!' Something like the verse 'all i ever needed to know in life i learnt in kindergarten'...the Academy taught us everything. Everything that seemed stupid then, made a lot of sense and governed the way we acted, reacted and behaved throughout our lives. The reciting of the Academy prayer by rote every morning at 6 a.m.
...The seemingly ridiculous orders ;-

- No shortcuts even if it meant going a 100 m around a 1-ft-high hedge.

- Pushing your cycle around even if it were unservicable: to ensure you kept it roadworthy in future.

- Drill instructors who sprang out of the bushes to catch you walking/cycling in a disorderly manner.

- Cycling to class/the drill square/PT fields in squads of four.

- All for one and one for all - the entire class being punished for the fault of one...'thou shalt not rat on your course (batch)mate.'

- Learning how to run, swim, sail, ride a horse, climb a rope, do 200 push-ups, cross obstacle courses, gymnastics, negotiate a 5-course meal with some 20,000 forks, spoons and other weapons of mass embarrassment, study physics, maths, chemistry...military history, geography...Navy/ Army/ Air Force subjects...weapon training...endless hours on the drill square.

- Grueling camps where you run some 40 km with your squadron​ ​mates from your course, around 25 guys in each of the 12 squadrons competing against each other. All 25 need to complete the course. If someone falls you carry him on a stretcher if need be...but you DO NOT leave anybody behind.

- Two movies a week - one English and one Hindi - as also performances by classical dancers - rock bands, etc. NO laughing or crying though. Very disheartening for rock​ ​stars who go into the 'put your hands in the air' or 'sing along' mode and they are met by the stony gaze of 1,500 guys with severe haircuts that would grow into crew cuts.

- An involuntary gasp as Madhuri Dixit did a 1, 2, 3 or Bo Derek emerged from the sea resulted in an hour of calisthenics of the worst kind for the entire lot of cadets.

- Learning a foreign language was compulsory. Everyone desperately tried to get into the Russian, French and German classes as these languages were taught by these knockout Goddesses. I had to contend with learning Burmese from an irritable, pot-bellied, balding guy who was probably expelled by the military junta for being too rude... (; We dream​t of Aung San Suu Kyi being granted asylum in the Academy, to teach us Burmese.

- Give me Liberty or give me death' ! Going out to the city was called 'being granted liberty'. One had to pass the Drill Square Test to be granted this highly coveted privilege. This ensured everyone went all out to qualify at the earliest. The DST comprised a series of drill movements, marching, saluting, etc.

- Each cadet was given a cycle to cover the long distances between classes - the pool - PT field - drill square. My cycle was H22 as in Hunter Sqn Cycle no. 22. very much like a licence plate. One dreaded the booming voice of a senior/drill instructor screaming 'Hunter 22 dismount'. Zipping away would result in your 'licence plate' being tracked down!
The Drill 'Sergeant' - made famous in all Hollywood movies from "Officer & a Gentleman" to "Platoon..."

Subedar Major Darbara Singh was our Academy Drill Subedar Major, responsible for the Academy Passing-Out Parades that happened every 6 months and for the overall standard of discipline and drill in the NDA. He was some 6'2" tall with a turban as big as a satcom antenna and a huge chest, with a booming voice that would make Attila the Hun scamper for cover. When I look back I realise that this barely literate large-hearted guy taught us a great deal about military ethos and values. With a combination of tact, humour and sheer terror he made us march tall and proud...as if we ruled the world. As we stood long hours on the parade ground during the rehearsals for the Passing-Out Parade he would tell us about his experiences in operations and of the young officers who commanded him, of their valour and sacrifices. As an 18-year-old pip squeak (pun unintended) I dreamt of instilling the respect of a 6' 6" giant some day.

The parade ground is named after (late) 2nd Lt Arun Khetarpal of the 17 POONA HORSE Armoured Regiment who was posthumously awarded the Param Vir Chakra in Dec 1971 seven months after he was commissioned ...at the age of 21. An alumnus of Lawrence School, Sanawar and the NDA, he died in the 'Battle of Basantar' whilst in command of a tank. When he was told to abandon his tank as it had been immobilised due to enemy fire he refused and continued to fire its gun which was still operational saying that 'Poona Horse never retreats.' I remember this as I got goose​ ​pimples each of the 200 times i heard Darbara Singh repeat this story. If anyone was particularly sloppy he would scream, 'Khetarpal parade ground ko apmaan kiya': you have insulted the Khetarpal parade ground. Ever since drill to all of us was synonymous with honour, integrity and everything Arun Khetarpal stood for.... One saluted really smartly EACH time - secretly loved to command honour guards/parades.... Thanks to a barely-educated giant with a booming voice.

One has moved on - times change - hopefully values don't - read the NDA prayer after many years and understood the deep significance of each word...tough ideals to live by...however, the ideal lines to refer to 'when in doubt '...cynics would laugh at it's almost naive simplicity. I am not a cynic...
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Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

Top secret Rafale AEWCS variant of IAF finally revealed on R-day flypast 8)

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Re: Military Humor and related

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https://twitter.com/Chopsyturvey/status ... RA9IKDyGMQ ---> Near Commando Wing, Infantry School Belgaum.

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