Military Humor and related

[Vivek K]

Where does the joker come up with the 1,000 yrs figure? The 1st battle of panipat gave the Mughals a foothold in the early 1500s. In 1757, the East India Company started to take over. So 200 yrs = 1000 yrs!!! Lahori Math!! Shows why the Pakis will never learn anything with their leaders/orators such twits!!

[Mihir]

Field Marshal speaks in Hindi

General (later Field Marshal) KM Cariappa, while talking in Hindi had a tendency to translate English words too literally. He was visiting 50 Para Brigade at Naushera, whose Commander, Brigadier Usman was to be given an opportunity to recapture Jhangar. Addressing the troops, the General wanted to refer to India having become free and wanted to put the soldiers in the picture. Operations to capture Jhangar could be undertaken only after administrative arrangements could be completed.

He spoke :
O Para brigade ke afsaran, sardaron aur jawanon. Is waqt hum muft, aap muft, mulk muft, sab kuchh muft hai. Aap ka brigade commander saheb ne bola kih aap aage jana mangta magar ham pahile aapko tasveer ke andar dalna mangta. Aap abhi aage jana sakat nahin kionhki hamara bandobast ka dum bahut pichhe hai.

[sunny y]

Where does the joker come up with the 1,000 yrs figure? The 1st battle of panipat gave the Mughals a foothold in the early 1500s. In 1757, the East India Company started to take over. So 200 yrs = 1000 yrs!!! Lahori Math!! Shows why the Pakis will never learn anything with their leaders/orators such twits!!

And even in those 200 years their asses were kicked left, right & center by Sikhs, Marathas etc. I bet he didn't get to learn this while he was doing his madrasa Phd...
Such is the state of their strategic thinkers.... perhaps that is the reason why every time they tried to show us their middle finger, we were able to shove the very same finger right back up their asses.....
No wonder why in the minds of pakistanis, Pakistan is the one who is controlling this war on terror when the fact is that Uncle Sam is playing baseball right in their backyard......

That was precious.
Haven t' had such a laugh for a long time

Watch some of his other videos on Youtube...Trust me you haven't seen anything yet.....

In one such video he is bad mouthing Americans as usual & in the very same line saying something like "Pakistan should be strong, we can send our F-16's to kick their asses"

Suddenly beggars have become owners....May be he doesn't know that his chacha bhateejas cannot even use this bakhsheesh without the permission of Uncle Sam let alone using their weapons against them....

[VishalJ]

Watch some of his other videos on Youtube...Trust me you haven't seen anything yet.....

In one such video he is bad mouthing Americans as usual & in the very same line saying something like "Pakistan should be strong, we can send our F-16's to kick their asses"

Who is he anyways ? Can you pls post links to more of his crap, this is nice entertainment.

[sunny y]

Who is he anyways ? Can you pls post links to more of his crap, this is nice entertainment

He is their Security consultant & strategic analyst....

Here are couple of links... I don't think this moron should get any publicity through this forum....For more check out the rest of the videos on the right side of the youtube page.....

Zaid Hamid: Kasab is Amar Singh!!!..... Such morons are being allowed to appear on TV & then we wonder why Pakistanis are being brainwashed....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xbrCaTe ... re=related


Zaid Hamid On Mumbai Attack Pt 1 of 9

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKy8vz8S ... re=related


Thanks

[Pratik_S]

@Vivek K and Sunny Y
I am not able to understand why are you guys considering moguls as Pakistanis ? Every single Indian doesn't have a Sub-continental decent. Large population of people with Mogul decent still live in India and as a matter of fact the descendants of Mogul rulers/kings live in India rather than in Pak.

[Viv S]

Anyone remember Pakistan's terrible performance in the Test Series against England couple of months back. Here's an article on that ....



Pakistan and the art of ineptitude

Posted by Andy Zaltzman on 08/03/2010



The evidence of the last two Pakistan Tests would seem to suggest, incontrovertibly, that England will win this winter’s Ashes by at least 10 matches to nil. Pakistan beat Australia; England beat Pakistan; that is a two-win per Test difference between England and Australia.

Of course, cricket does not always pan out as statistics suggest it should, and trying to divine what might happen in the forthcoming Ashes from this summer’s two series involving Pakistan is a task as futile as trying to predict whether a champion boxer will win his next fight based on how many wasps he swats at a picnic.

England played a good, decisive match, but scored the bulk of their important runs in each innings against some fairly dismal back-up bowling, and were aided by fielding that was borderline appalling (and that borderline was not between appalling and acceptable, but between appalling and catastrophic). Strauss’ team bowled well and caught magnificently, but against a batting line-up that looked as confident in their technique against swing bowling as their ability to play Beethoven’s piano sonatas on an ironing board.

On current form, Pakistan’s batsmen, a poorly conceived salad of proven adequates and total novices, will do well to match in this entire four-Test series, the 708 runs they scored in one innings at The Oval in 1987. They looked vulnerable on paper at the start of their tour, and that assessment now looks like eye-gougingly blind optimism. Obviously, these are not useless batsmen, but they are flawed and inexperienced, and their collective confidence is now more shattered than a stunt motorcyclist’s porcelain piggy bank.

Statistically, it is hard to overstate quite how completely, historically inept, Pakistan were. Following on from almost snatching defeat from three-quarters of the way down the oesophagus of victory at Leeds, their top order put on a 19th-century display, the worst combined match performance by a top five against England since 1907.

Pakistan were six wickets down for 47 and 41 in their two innings, thus becoming only the ninth team in Test history to lose its first six wickets for less than 50 in both innings of a match, and the first since England sank like an impatient Titanic to one of its most humiliating ever defeats in Christchurch in 1983-84. Then, Hadlee, Boock, Cairns and Chatfield double-scuttled a decent-looking England top seven of Fowler, Tavare, Gower, Lamb, Gatting, Randall and Botham, whose performance in that Test was so bad that the Queen was rumoured to be on the point of abdicating.

Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Aamer, constantly threatening again, must go to sleep every night dreaming of bowling at their own batsmen. In fact, a leak from within the Pakistan camp has revealed that Aamer has a tour bowling average of 3.5 against his team-mates in the nets, even when using the net as a boundary.

Umar Akmal, after a stellar entry onto the world cricket stage, has had a particularly disappointing summer. His debut series in New Zealand less than a year ago included innings of 75 off 174 balls and 77 off 144, so he clearly is capable of not batting as if he has to simultaneously catch an extremely imminent train, file an overdue tax return, pop back home to check whether he left the refrigerator door open, and avoid turning into a pumpkin if he bats for longer than 15 minutes.

It is hard to imagine a worse match performance than that by Umar’s brother Kamran, a spectacular array of wicketkeeping howlers neatly interlocked with a pair of noughts with the bat, comprising perhaps the worst individual performance in any medium since novelty children’s entertainer Mr Chicken’s dismal effort at playing King Lear, which consisted of a three-hour chicken impression in which he persistently called all of his daughters "Eggie".

It was almost as if the cricketing gods allowed Kamran a couple of excellent catches to dismiss Strauss and Pietersen (who continues to look every inch a man who doesn’t play much cricket any more), solely in order to dash the beleaguered gloveman on the rocks of destiny by making him shell a simple edge by Collingwood. They then further punished him, as his brother’s wasted referral led to Kamran being unable to refer his own obviously-missing-the-stumps lbw dismissal. If Kamran’s Test career had been a racehorse, his owner would by now surely have done the decent thing.

Clearly, there is not just room for improvement for Pakistan’s batsmen; there is a luxury eight-bedroom house for improvement. But they are having to cope not only with the difficulty of unfamiliar conditions – and, as England and Australia have themselves shown this summer, few teams play swing bowling well even with experience – but also with an impolite schedule that is allowing them no time to rebuild their broken techniques and confidence between Tests.

It has led to a bizarre role reversal, in which England are sticking with an unchanged squad, while their visitors have packed off a failing player to county cricket, and summoned up an ageing old star from the county game. How times have changed.

James Anderson was at his intermittently fluidly brilliant best once he started pitching the ball up. He has been promising for seven and a half years now, his occasional top-class outbreaks offset by periods of toothlessness. The winter will show whether he now has the resourcefulness of his England swing predecessor Hoggard, who was less naturally dangerous but developed a range of crafts that made him a successful bowler around the world. The Lancastrian now averages 27 at home and 43 away, whereas Hoggard’s equivalent figures were 30 and 30.

Anderson has never taken 20 wickets in a series before. If Pakistan continue to bat as they did at Trent Bridge, he could bowl underarm for the rest of the series and still be confident of taking another 15 wickets.

On to Edgbaston on Friday, with Pakistan’s one and only trump card, their seam attack, about to go into its fourth back-to-back Test, weighed down by the knowledge that, even if they bowl with their now customary excellence, their fielders and batsmen have an almost unstoppable range of options for contriving to lose games anyway.

[Viv S]

^^^ Don't skim over it. Its utterly hilarious.

[chackojoseph]

Here is a heading of a UK military band performance:

RAF Pipe Band Association makes noise at RAF Halton

[Anthony Hines]

Anyone remember Pakistan's terrible performance in the Test Series against England couple of months back. Here's an article on that ....



Pakistan and the art of ineptitude

Posted by Andy Zaltzman on 08/03/2010



The evidence of the last two Pakistan Tests would seem to suggest, incontrovertibly, that England will win this winter’s Ashes by at least 10 matches to nil. Pakistan beat Australia; England beat Pakistan; that is a two-win per Test difference between England and Australia.

Of course, cricket does not always pan out as statistics suggest it should, and trying to divine what might happen in the forthcoming Ashes from this summer’s two series involving Pakistan is a task as futile as trying to predict whether a champion boxer will win his next fight based on how many wasps he swats at a picnic.

England played a good, decisive match, but scored the bulk of their important runs in each innings against some fairly dismal back-up bowling, and were aided by fielding that was borderline appalling (and that borderline was not between appalling and acceptable, but between appalling and catastrophic). Strauss’ team bowled well and caught magnificently, but against a batting line-up that looked as confident in their technique against swing bowling as their ability to play Beethoven’s piano sonatas on an ironing board.

On current form, Pakistan’s batsmen, a poorly conceived salad of proven adequates and total novices, will do well to match in this entire four-Test series, the 708 runs they scored in one innings at The Oval in 1987. They looked vulnerable on paper at the start of their tour, and that assessment now looks like eye-gougingly blind optimism. Obviously, these are not useless batsmen, but they are flawed and inexperienced, and their collective confidence is now more shattered than a stunt motorcyclist’s porcelain piggy bank.

Statistically, it is hard to overstate quite how completely, historically inept, Pakistan were. Following on from almost snatching defeat from three-quarters of the way down the oesophagus of victory at Leeds, their top order put on a 19th-century display, the worst combined match performance by a top five against England since 1907.

Pakistan were six wickets down for 47 and 41 in their two innings, thus becoming only the ninth team in Test history to lose its first six wickets for less than 50 in both innings of a match, and the first since England sank like an impatient Titanic to one of its most humiliating ever defeats in Christchurch in 1983-84. Then, Hadlee, Boock, Cairns and Chatfield double-scuttled a decent-looking England top seven of Fowler, Tavare, Gower, Lamb, Gatting, Randall and Botham, whose performance in that Test was so bad that the Queen was rumoured to be on the point of abdicating.

Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Aamer, constantly threatening again, must go to sleep every night dreaming of bowling at their own batsmen. In fact, a leak from within the Pakistan camp has revealed that Aamer has a tour bowling average of 3.5 against his team-mates in the nets, even when using the net as a boundary.

Umar Akmal, after a stellar entry onto the world cricket stage, has had a particularly disappointing summer. His debut series in New Zealand less than a year ago included innings of 75 off 174 balls and 77 off 144, so he clearly is capable of not batting as if he has to simultaneously catch an extremely imminent train, file an overdue tax return, pop back home to check whether he left the refrigerator door open, and avoid turning into a pumpkin if he bats for longer than 15 minutes.

It is hard to imagine a worse match performance than that by Umar’s brother Kamran, a spectacular array of wicketkeeping howlers neatly interlocked with a pair of noughts with the bat, comprising perhaps the worst individual performance in any medium since novelty children’s entertainer Mr Chicken’s dismal effort at playing King Lear, which consisted of a three-hour chicken impression in which he persistently called all of his daughters "Eggie".

It was almost as if the cricketing gods allowed Kamran a couple of excellent catches to dismiss Strauss and Pietersen (who continues to look every inch a man who doesn’t play much cricket any more), solely in order to dash the beleaguered gloveman on the rocks of destiny by making him shell a simple edge by Collingwood. They then further punished him, as his brother’s wasted referral led to Kamran being unable to refer his own obviously-missing-the-stumps lbw dismissal. If Kamran’s Test career had been a racehorse, his owner would by now surely have done the decent thing.

Clearly, there is not just room for improvement for Pakistan’s batsmen; there is a luxury eight-bedroom house for improvement. But they are having to cope not only with the difficulty of unfamiliar conditions – and, as England and Australia have themselves shown this summer, few teams play swing bowling well even with experience – but also with an impolite schedule that is allowing them no time to rebuild their broken techniques and confidence between Tests.

It has led to a bizarre role reversal, in which England are sticking with an unchanged squad, while their visitors have packed off a failing player to county cricket, and summoned up an ageing old star from the county game. How times have changed.

James Anderson was at his intermittently fluidly brilliant best once he started pitching the ball up. He has been promising for seven and a half years now, his occasional top-class outbreaks offset by periods of toothlessness. The winter will show whether he now has the resourcefulness of his England swing predecessor Hoggard, who was less naturally dangerous but developed a range of crafts that made him a successful bowler around the world. The Lancastrian now averages 27 at home and 43 away, whereas Hoggard’s equivalent figures were 30 and 30.

Anderson has never taken 20 wickets in a series before. If Pakistan continue to bat as they did at Trent Bridge, he could bowl underarm for the rest of the series and still be confident of taking another 15 wickets.

On to Edgbaston on Friday, with Pakistan’s one and only trump card, their seam attack, about to go into its fourth back-to-back Test, weighed down by the knowledge that, even if they bowl with their now customary excellence, their fielders and batsmen have an almost unstoppable range of options for contriving to lose games anyway.

Pretty neat..

[Pratik_S]

I think most of you have read this one but still I am posting it here:
"During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.
Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
This was the scenario
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.
Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.But they need permission from the Government of India.They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.
The President asks for a quick decision.
In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting!
PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell
367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00 AM.Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.
Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.
Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.
A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Moscow. Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc.
Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile."

[jamwal]

I'm reading Defeat Into Victory by Field Marshall Viscount Slim. It's aboutAllied war effort against Japanese in Eastern India and Burma. It has quite a few humorous parts. Posting some below:

The work of joint Anglo-American police squads was effective and not without a humorous aspect. During a fracas, involving both British & American soldiers, one such patrol (Military Police) sailed into the melee and sorted out each its own nationals. One American G.I, however, proved particularly truculent. A burly American policeman drew his night-stick, removed the soldiers cap, and slugged him hard on his bare head. As the man subsided unconscious to the floor, the policeman carefully replaced the cap. “Why,” asked an admiring British colleague, “did you take off his cap ? The way you hit him it wouldn't have mattered if you'd left it on! “ “Say”, was the reply, “that hat is the property of Uncle Sam. Don't you respect Government property in the Royal British Army ?”

[jamwal]

After one particularly fierce battle with Japanese where they were routed:

It was here that Gurkhas were engaged in collecting Japanese corpses from the corners inaccessible to bulldozers when one Japanese, picked up by a couple of Gurkhas proved not to be as dead as expected. A Grukha had drawn his khukri to finish the struggling prisoner when a passing British officer intervened saying, “You mustn't do that, Johnny. Don't kill him!” The Gurkha, with his khukri poised, looked at the officer in pained surprise, “But, sahib”, he protested, “we can't bury him alive! “

[chackojoseph]

I think this be familiar.

Once Lord Mountbatten was visiting a IA mountain division. He asked one Indian soldier if he knew who he is. The soldier replied "yes Sir, you are Lord Mountain Battery."

[dhruvarka]

General (later Field Marshal) KM Cariappa, while talking in Hindi had a tendency to translate English words too literally. He was visiting 50 Para Brigade at Naushera, whose Commander, Brigadier Usman was to be given an opportunity to recapture Jhangar. Addressing the troops, the General wanted to refer to India having become free and wanted to put the soldiers in the picture. Operations to capture Jhangar could be undertaken only after administrative arrangements could be completed.

He spoke :
O Para brigade ke afsaran, sardaron aur jawanon. Is waqt hum muft, aap muft, mulk muft, sab kuchh muft hai. Aap ka brigade commander saheb ne bola kih aap aage jana mangta magar ham pahile aapko tasveer ke andar dalna mangta. Aap abhi aage jana sakat nahin kionhki hamara bandobast ka dum bahut pichhe hai.


Gen. Cariappa was a Coorgi and not a Hindi speaker. If the Joker who quoted this can translate the same Verbatim in Coorgi, then his Joke is accepted. Otherwise it is in bad taste - was Gen. Cariappa supposed to address the soldiers in King's English?

[atreya]

Chill, dhruvarka. Whats so bad about not being able to speak Hindi? The translation is funny, end of matter. Laughing at the Field Marshal in this matter doesn't mean we are belittling him or something like that. Linguistic proficiency is not an indicator of brilliance in other areas. We have all the respect in the world for FM Cariappa. Its all being taken in good humour, no need to get fired up. I am sure, he himself would have laughed at it. Such great people are usually blessed with a good sense of humour.

[pmund]

Chill Dhruv. No one is making fun of the field marshal. Cariappa, like Manekshaw, could laugh even when jokes were at his expence, and humour is a very great quality in a commander. There are no language issues here. It's a very well know quote by Cariappa, one of many thaty have passed down generations of fighting men. A little trench humour goes a long way in lifting the spirits. Chill

[pmund]

I might add that Cariappa is said to have roared in laughter when an aide explained what he had just said.

[P Chitkara]

Got this gem from today's article in TOI

The armed forces have some very old, but airworthy, planes. These include the Indian Air Force's over 100 Antonov-32s and the Navy's eight Tupolev-142s and five Ilyushin-38s. The last two are maritime reconnaissance aircraft and Delhi witnesses high movement of the AN-32s. The AN-32s are approaching the end of their total technical life of 25 years and the government has gone in for a $400 million upgradation and life extension programme that includes improving their avionic to make them quieter.

[JTull]

Got this gem from today's article in TOI

The armed forces have some very old, but airworthy, planes. These include the Indian Air Force's over 100 Antonov-32s and the Navy's eight Tupolev-142s and five Ilyushin-38s. The last two are maritime reconnaissance aircraft and Delhi witnesses high movement of the AN-32s. The AN-32s are approaching the end of their total technical life of 25 years and the government has gone in for a $400 million upgradation and life extension programme that includes improving their avionic to make them quieter.

Nothing wrong with it. Cockpit avionics noise can be distracting. Older generation electronics needed massive fans which can be done away with nowadays. Besides prioritisation of critical/non-critical alarms is another way to print noise down.

[P Chitkara]

Does the sound produced by avionics come even close to the sound produced by the engines? If so, it is definetly news to me!

[JTull]

Yes, you're correct to assume that engine noise is generally expected to be louder. But, in transport aircraft with pressurised cabins, the engine noise could indeed be lower than perhaps a fan cooling blowing right behind your head.

Without splitting hair, I think the report just wants to point out that the upgrade could improve pilot comfort. There are many ways to do it, and one of them could be by this nose level report.

BTW, pls try some googling on "cockpit noise levels avionics" and you'll be surprised by what you see including some examples of LCA, Mig-21Bison upgrades, etc.

[rohitvats]

Hello.....the ^^^ is like lblind men and the elephant.

The report in TOI was about a/c making noise while coming to land and take-off from the IGI in New Delhi.....the residents have complained and hence, an effort to do something about the matter.....the DDM as usual strikes and goes on and on about TU-145 and IL-38......

That report has nothing to do with pilot comfort.....

[Kersi D]

Got this gem from today's article in TOI

The armed forces have some very old, but airworthy, planes. These include the Indian Air Force's over 100 Antonov-32s and the Navy's eight Tupolev-142s and five Ilyushin-38s. The last two are maritime reconnaissance aircraft and Delhi witnesses high movement of the AN-32s. The AN-32s are approaching the end of their total technical life of 25 years and the government has gone in for a $400 million upgradation and life extension programme that includes improving their avionic to make them quieter.

Can somebody make and give me some "avionics" that will quieten my wife and both my daughters ?

I promise I will pay a handsome price.

K

[chetak]

Does the sound produced by avionics come even close to the sound produced by the engines? If so, it is definetly news to me!

Depends on which source of sound you happen to be sitting closer to.

BTW, the fatigue causing factor in the AN-32 is the high vibration level and not so much as the noise level.

[nachiket]

Lalmullah cleared it up for me in Mil Avaition dhaaga.

damn jingo phool! you have not heard of active noise cancellation speakers on exhaust pipes?!??!
20 stripes

[AdityaM]

please dont ruin this thread by posting news articles and then discussing them here
thats not the mandate of this thread

[Kersi D]

Kersi D, it's called a Shopping Mall.

TOO EXPENSIVE !!

It is cheaper to buy some cotton and plug my years.

K

[Raja Bose]

Speaking of Gurkha jokes, 2 of them come to mind. They are paraphrased a bit since its been a long time since I read them.

Once upon a time, highly impressed by the fighting prowess of the Gurkha regiments, the British Indian Army higher-ups decided to raise a Gurkha parachute battalion. In order to seed the battalion with experienced fighters, it was decided to transfer some units from existing Gurkha regiments and make them go through paratrooper training school.

On the 1st day of the training school, the British instructor started explaining to the assembled Gurkhas that they would be jumping from the aircraft at the height of 10000 feet. Suddenly, he noticed the soldiers fidgeting uncomfortably and starting to whisper amongst themselves. Given the ram rod straight discipline that the Gurkhas are famous for, the instructor was appalled! Still he tried to continue with his lecture, when the senior Gurkha Jemadar raised his hand and asked permission to speak. Very politely, the Jemadar told the officer that his troops were scared and would it be possible for them to jump from a 1000 feet instead of a 10000 feet? The officer could not believe what he was hearing. Were these the famed Gurkhas who knew no fear and instead were feared by all?! Still being British, he put up a stiff upper lip and started to explain to the Jemadar that he and his troops had nothing to fear because they would use a parachute (showing them a picture) which would slow down their descent. Immediately he felt the Jemadar relax and understood what had happened when he heard him assure the other ranks, "Oh! He was only asking us to jump from the aircraft with a parachute!".

You can predict how a soldier will behave based on where he comes from. If you as a officer commanding troops are trapped out in the open in a barrage of enemy fire. The Sikh soldier will dash out of cover immediately and gallantly shield you with his own body, all the while grinning broadly and enjoying the situation; The Indian soldier (non-Sikh) will watch fearfully from his cover but if you get hit, he will dash out and without hesitation, risk his life in order to rescue you; Only a Gurkha will stand up and just laugh.

[Raja Bose]

Kersi D, it's called a Shopping Mall.

TOO EXPENSIVE !!

It is cheaper to buy some cotton and plug my years.

K

Sir jee, depending on whether you want to plug your ears or years you will have to stuff the cotton into your ear or down your throat.

[Bala Vignesh]

TOO EXPENSIVE !!

It is cheaper to buy some cotton and plug my years.

K

Sir jee, depending on whether you want to plug your ears or years you will have to stuff the cotton into your ear or down your throat.

[Kersi D]

TOO EXPENSIVE !!

It is cheaper to buy some cotton and plug my years.

K

Sir jee, depending on whether you want to plug your ears or years you will have to stuff the cotton into your ear or down your throat.

No. I do not want to plug my years. I till want to see the MMRCA, PAK FA, Akula etc etc etc.

K

[jamwal]

You can predict how a soldier will behave based on where he comes from. If you as a officer commanding troops are trapped out in the open in a barrage of enemy fire. The Sikh soldier will dash out of cover immediately and gallantly shield you with his own body, all the while grinning broadly and enjoying the situation; The Indian soldier (non-Sikh) will watch fearfully from his cover but if you get hit, he will dash out and without hesitation, risk his life in order to rescue you; Only a Gurkha will stand up and just laugh.

This one is from Defeat Into Victory by Field Marshall Viscount Slim that I mentioned above. Author has mentioned response of British soldiers too. Will post it soon

[atreya]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkjw3OQ3 ... re=related

[Lalmohan]

nachiket - the a320 has the unfortunate aerodynamic property of concentrating some standing waves on the fore fuselage thereby substantially increasing the 'wind' noise heard inside the cabin. this part of the cabin also happens to be where the business class seats are normally located! some serious thought was given to noise cancelling audio systems to counter these ill-effects
nowadays noise cancelling headphones are the norm (Bose, etc.) - on a number of airlines and also for aircrew, makes a huge difference

[P Chitkara]

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

[anirban_aim]

Will this be halal?? I know not but what the heck..... Sure is funny....

Indian Navy beware, all your future plans are down the drain, the pigs have sure learnt to swim in the sea



Pardon the starting and ending visuals, not my video.

[rsharma]

The Navy Invented Sex

A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.

After a round of beers, the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of Midway.

'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'

The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'

The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says...... 'The Navy invented sex!'

The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women.'

[atreya]

This is the best reply to Arundhati Roy I have come across. Want to copy paste the whole thing, but contains plenty of ***s, so you can read it in the link

http://blog.fakingnews.com/2010/10/an-o ... dhati-roy/

[Viv S]

Speaking of Gurkha jokes, 2 of them come to mind. They are paraphrased a bit since its been a long time since I read them.

Once upon a time, highly impressed by the fighting prowess of the Gurkha regiments, the British Indian Army higher-ups decided to raise a Gurkha parachute battalion. In order to seed the battalion with experienced fighters, it was decided to transfer some units from existing Gurkha regiments and make them go through paratrooper training school.

On the 1st day of the training school, the British instructor started explaining to the assembled Gurkhas that they would be jumping from the aircraft at the height of 10000 feet. Suddenly, he noticed the soldiers fidgeting uncomfortably and starting to whisper amongst themselves. Given the ram rod straight discipline that the Gurkhas are famous for, the instructor was appalled! Still he tried to continue with his lecture, when the senior Gurkha Jemadar raised his hand and asked permission to speak. Very politely, the Jemadar told the officer that his troops were scared and would it be possible for them to jump from a 1000 feet instead of a 10000 feet? The officer could not believe what he was hearing. Were these the famed Gurkhas who knew no fear and instead were feared by all?! Still being British, he put up a stiff upper lip and started to explain to the Jemadar that he and his troops had nothing to fear because they would use a parachute (showing them a picture) which would slow down their descent. Immediately he felt the Jemadar relax and understood what had happened when he heard him assure the other ranks, "Oh! He was only asking us to jump from the aircraft with a parachute!".

You can predict how a soldier will behave based on where he comes from. If you as a officer commanding troops are trapped out in the open in a barrage of enemy fire. The Sikh soldier will dash out of cover immediately and gallantly shield you with his own body, all the while grinning broadly and enjoying the situation; The Indian soldier (non-Sikh) will watch fearfully from his cover but if you get hit, he will dash out and without hesitation, risk his life in order to rescue you; Only a Gurkha will stand up and just laugh.

Simply brilliant!!