Military Humor and related

The Military Issues & History Forum is a venue to discuss issues relating to the military aspects of the Indian Armed Forces, whether the past, present or future. We request members to kindly stay within the mandate of this forum and keep their exchanges of views, on a civilised level, however vehemently any disagreement may be felt. All feedback regarding forum usage may be sent to the moderators using the Feedback Form or by clicking the Report Post Icon in any objectionable post for proper action. Please note that the views expressed by the Members and Moderators on these discussion boards are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the Bharat-Rakshak.com Website. Copyright Violation is strictly prohibited and may result in revocation of your posting rights - please read the FAQ for full details. Users must also abide by the Forum Guidelines at all times.
Post Reply
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

:lol:

Image
ArjunPandit
BRF Oldie
Posts: 4053
Joined: 29 Mar 2017 06:37

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by ArjunPandit »

There's more than humour to this pic
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Image
Manish_P
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5383
Joined: 25 Mar 2010 17:34

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

Rakesh wrote::lol:
Admiral saab, the Raptor guys had this to say about that image :mrgreen:

Image
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Now that is an amazing comeback.

Good job Raptor community!
Manish_P
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5383
Joined: 25 Mar 2010 17:34

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

There is no new China military watch thread ?

Chinese submarine sailors report significant mental health problems in rare study
More than 1 in 5 sailors on Chinese submarines operating in the South China Sea reported mental health problems, according to a new study that provides a rare insight into the inner workigs of one of the Chinese military's most guarded assets.

The research by China's Second Military Medical University and Navy Military Medical University, published in the British journal Military Medicine, showed submariners reported severe psychological problems at much higher rates compared to People's Liberation Army (PLA) forces as a whole.

PLA Navy submariners showed higher rates of anxiety, phobias, paranoia and somatization -- where mental issues surface with physical symptoms -- than among Chinese troops overall, the study found.

Conditions and the military situation in the South China Sea exacerbate the problems, the researchers said.

Beijing claims almost all of the 1.3 million square mile South China Sea, and since 2014 it has built up tiny reefs and sandbars into man-made artificial islands, fortified with missiles, runways and weapons systems -- antagonizing regional governments with overlapping claims. Washington doesn't recognize those claims and regularly sends US warships and military aircraft through the region. China in response has increased military maneuvers in the region, which means submarines can spend two to three months submerged in tight, noisy confines that lead to sleep deprivation among submariners, the researchers said. "The physically unfriendly environment means that submariners are not only living in an isolated, constantly closed environment, but they also sleep in a cabin that is exposed to excessive noise," the study said. Constant exposure to artificial light can also lead to mental problems, the researchers said.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Manish_P wrote:There is no new China military watch thread ?
This is the China Military Watch Thread :)
jamwal
BR Mainsite Crew
Posts: 5727
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 21:28
Location: Somewhere Else
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by jamwal »

Image
Translation: You act like a defence expert on facebook.
Yet get beaten by neighbour Chintu everyday
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/TheWolfpackIN/statu ... 17344?s=20 ---> Meanwhile, a Pakistani journalist (Sumaira Khan) claims Chinese J-10C fighters have missiles with "3,800" km range for air combat. And here I was thinking that Indian news channels were noobs on defence technicalities.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

The irony of the above tweet is the "Alliance-With-America" folks on BRF will latch on to this and clamour for F-21, F-16, F-18 and F-15 for the Indian Air Force.
S_Madhukar
BRFite
Posts: 513
Joined: 27 Mar 2019 18:15

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by S_Madhukar »

How to hunt down submarines ... lessons from the JN for the PN ;-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f02fdYa ... NOJun-ichi
nachiket
Forum Moderator
Posts: 9097
Joined: 02 Dec 2008 10:49

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by nachiket »

Rakesh wrote:https://twitter.com/TheWolfpackIN/statu ... 17344?s=20 ---> Meanwhile, a Pakistani journalist (Sumaira Khan) claims Chinese J-10C fighters have missiles with "3,800" km range for air combat. And here I was thinking that Indian news channels were noobs on defence technicalities.
Rakesh wrote:The irony of the above tweet is the "Alliance-With-America" folks on BRF will latch on to this and clamour for F-21, F-16, F-18 and F-15 for the Indian Air Force.
Well we can respond that we will buy all the American jets once the Americans invent a 3800 km range AAM of their own to counter the Chinese one :lol:
basant
BRFite
Posts: 889
Joined: 20 Mar 2020 20:58

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by basant »

Why would USA sell its jets that can refuel on ground, probably at gas stations?
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

A number of the "Alliance With Amreeka" crowd on BRF views the PLA as depicted in Pic 1 :)

https://twitter.com/TheWolfpackIN/statu ... 61314?s=20 --->

Pic 1: How Grand Admiral Pravin Sawhney views the PLA.

Pic 2: How rest of the world views the PLA.

Image

Image
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

nachiket wrote:Well we can respond that we will buy all the American jets once the Americans invent a 3800 km range AAM of their own to counter the Chinese one :lol:
Good one! :lol:
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/ShaunakSA/status/13 ... 26273?s=20 --->

Q: Which is Field Admiral Sawhnstein’s and Shaken La’s favourite pop band?

A: Imagine Dragons
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/defenceglobe/status ... 93128?s=20 ---> But did it clear lunar trials yet?

https://twitter.com/Amitraaz/status/136 ... 87392?s=20 ---> Yep, Here is a picture from Arjun's lunar trials.

Image
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

^^^^
https://twitter.com/MI6GB/status/136528 ... 03745?s=20 ---> How much does it weigh on the lunar surface? Still too heavy?

https://twitter.com/I_am_DevS/status/13 ... 73476?s=20 ---> Still too heavy. Look it created so many craters on moon because of its heavy weight.

https://twitter.com/PaxIndica2/status/1 ... 59970?s=20 ---> Yeah, also it's range will significantly increase because of weak moon gravity.

https://twitter.com/Bong_Republic/statu ... 42881?s=20 ---> Lunar Infrastructure can’t support such a heavy tank.

https://twitter.com/chaudhrypratish/sta ... 09797?s=20 --->

W=M×G
68T=M×9.8m/s²
M =68T/9.8m/s²
Now Value of G on Moon = 1/8 Of Earth

Now Put the Values.
Manish_P
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5383
Joined: 25 Mar 2010 17:34

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

:lol:

Admiral Saab don't forget that the Russian/Chinese light tanks will be able to hover over and skim across the Lunar surface with Wing-in-Ground effect... take that you SDREs
basant
BRFite
Posts: 889
Joined: 20 Mar 2020 20:58

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by basant »

There are only two problems that I see on lunar surface. Firstly, the all-up-weight is too high and may damage protected craters on the other side of LoC/LAC. And secondly, it is yet to clear the monsoon trails on the lunar south pole (awaiting rains). And once it clears these requirements, we can buy T-90s that are cheaper and such requirements are not required.
Manish_P
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5383
Joined: 25 Mar 2010 17:34

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

Image
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/Manik_M_Jolly/statu ... 63904?s=20 --->

World right now is like a chaotic village of 15th century.

1. One guy has stuck his boat and whole village is watching them push and pull and speculate it’s release.
2. There’s some guy called Elon Musk who keeps taking money from everyone to make fancy toys which no one knows when & how will they be used.
3. America is like the biggest and richest family that keeps fighting over inheritance and claims.
4. China is the witch doctor who’s given shady snake oil to everyone and now everyone is ill.
5. The strongman Putin sits on his roof twirling his moustache and smoking his pipe, ready to kick anyone’s a$$ who falls out of line.
6. India is busy giving medicine and yoga, acting popular and friendly.
7. UK and Europe are localities who keep arguing every day over almost everything.
8. Migrants are piling everywhere and no one knows how to manage them.
9. The village council called UN is hiding in a cool and fancy building since decades and keeps throwing reports outside, written by privileged bureaucrats and elites’ children acting as interns, that make no sense to anyone.
10. Africa is still the biggest land owner yet confused why are they so poor? Farmers reforms needed?
11. UAE, Saudi etc are the rich lot, enjoying their lives and rarely bother themselves with petty issues of village.
11. And Pakistan is a crumbling building with handsome housekeeper who has no idea what to do except ask for money.

Hope things improve. Happy Holi everyone.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

:lol: The enemy ACM in question here is Air Chief Marshal Chauhdary Zaheer Ahmad Babar Sidhu, Pakistan Air Force.

https://twitter.com/akki_bauer22_/statu ... 83267?s=20 ---> When your realize the enemy ACM has 1/2 the flying hours than you

-Le ACM Bhadauria

Image
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

https://twitter.com/Amitraaz/status/138 ... 24033?s=20 ---> Ultra Advanced manoeuvrable AWACS platform

Image
ks_sachin
BRF Oldie
Posts: 2906
Joined: 24 Jun 2000 11:31
Location: Sydney

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by ks_sachin »

From a FB post in shroud I am part of:

What a typo error can do... :)

Way back in 1997, an officer was promoted & celebrations were on in the mess. Everyone was making merry, when one officer saw, that the letter stated, the promotion was effective from 997. There was a typo & the 1 was left out. In the prevailing light hearted mood, someone suggested writing to Army HQ, asking for 'back pay' for 1000 years.
A letter was drafted & given to the Mess-in- Charge to post, which he did. In a few days, everyone had forgotten the letter & thought that it would be thrown into the WPB. Three months later, a letter came from Army HQ. It was signed by the Military Secretary (MS), who evidently was even smarter. The letter stated - "We have received your letter....blah blah blah & have decided that your claim for 'back pay' has been sanctioned. The amount with interest, as confirmed by the CDA (O), is Rs.25,37,654,492/=.
However, while examining the records, it has come to light, that from the time of the battles with Mohammed Ghazni (1007), till World War I (1918), a vast amount of arms, stores, supplies etc. were found missing after each battle. The Judge Advocate General (JAG), has opined, that you, the sole surviving officer, are responsible. The amount of the missing items, totals to Rs. 25,37,655,492/=. Hence, an amount of Rs.1000/- is due from you & this will be deducted from your salary next month. However, in view of your long service & contribution, the amount will be waived, if you withdraw your claim.
We are also pleased to inform you, that the Army has instituted a new medal - 'EVLSM' - Extremely Very Long Service Medal - to be awarded to those, who have completed 500 years of service. As you have served for more than a 1,000 years, a bar will also be awarded.
Thanking you.

:)
Thakur_B
BRF Oldie
Posts: 2404
Joined: 11 Aug 2016 06:14

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Thakur_B »

Image
:rotfl:
jamwal
BR Mainsite Crew
Posts: 5727
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 21:28
Location: Somewhere Else
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by jamwal »

Image

https://twitter.com/simply_mixed_up/sta ... 13/photo/1

Last line reads: We'll make arrangements. You shouldn't worry.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Manish_P
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5383
Joined: 25 Mar 2010 17:34

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_P »

^ oh no. just no.

Why the rhinoplasty treatment to make a Katrina of the Rambha??

Doesn't look good... will not even after a full 'Khamba'
jamwal
BR Mainsite Crew
Posts: 5727
Joined: 19 Feb 2008 21:28
Location: Somewhere Else
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by jamwal »

Image

Now accepting applications from attractive women looking to have explosive orgasms.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

anupmisra
BRF Oldie
Posts: 9203
Joined: 12 Nov 2006 04:16
Location: New York

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by anupmisra »

Neuter this!

China bans men it sees as not masculine enough from TV
China’s government banned effeminate men on TV and told broadcasters Thursday to promote “revolutionary culture,” broadening a campaign to tighten control over business and society and enforce official morality.
Broadcasters must “resolutely put an end to sissy men and other abnormal esthetics,” the TV regulator said, using an insulting slang term for effeminate men — “niang pao,” or literally, “girlie guns.”
That reflects official concern that Chinese pop stars, influenced by the sleek, girlish look of some South Korean and Japanese singers and actors, are failing to encourage China’s young men to be masculine enough.
8)

https://apnews.com/article/lifestyle-en ... 555a901b3f
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

nishant.gupta
BRFite -Trainee
Posts: 70
Joined: 01 Mar 2019 15:04

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by nishant.gupta »

Image

October 27th 1981, the Soviet submarine S-363 Whiskey-class submarine of the Baltic Fleet, became famous under the designation U 137 when it suffered the extreme embarrassment of having to surface within Swedish territorial waters after it accidentally struck an underwater rock 6.2 miles from the main Swedish naval base at Karlskrona.
The already wounded Soviet submarine’s bad luck had only begun as it's underwater collision occurred in the midst of a Swedish naval exercise, that was testing new equipment in the area.
Swedish naval forces swiftly reacted to the obvious breach of sovereignty demanding an explanation from the captain whom initially claimed that simultaneous failures of navigational equipment had caused the boat to get lost (despite the fact that the boat had accurately navigated through a treacherous series of rocks, straits, and islands to get so close to the Swedish naval base).
The Whisky Class Submarine incident became famously known as "Whisky on the rocks"
Larry Walker
BRFite
Posts: 488
Joined: 26 Nov 2019 17:33

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Larry Walker »

Why Pakistan is an Overmatch for India ==> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyY61bCqht0

Some more humor - our Parveen Saahney bhai is a good con artist. His getup and demeanor and use of all glib words is very compelling atleast to the jaahil's across the border. Watch this for your dose of humor and just some admiration on how one can twist a hopeless situation into a winning bet just through gymnastics of words !! Maybe our Saahney bhai is lookling for more subscription from across the border as his Indian viewership may have saturated.
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

One can't make this stuff up. This is hilarious :rotfl:

https://twitter.com/MeghBulletin/status ... 03939?s=20 ---> Afghanistan's New Parliamentarians discussing Laws.

Image

Image
Manish_Sharma
BRF Oldie
Posts: 5128
Joined: 07 Sep 2009 16:17

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Manish_Sharma »

TWITTER
https://twitter.com/AshTheWiz/status/14 ... 8T_LQ&s=19

Military’s Murphy Laws…

● Never share a bunker with anyone braver than yourself.
● Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
● Five-second fuses always burn in three seconds.
● The easy way is always mined.
1/10
#Military #MurphysLaw

● Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
● If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
● Incoming fire has the right of way.
● No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
2/10

● No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
● If the enemy is within range, so are you.
● The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
● Tracers work both ways.
3/10

● Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
● Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
● Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
● When in doubt, empty your magazine.
● The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
4/10

● Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
● The most dangerous thing in the world is a Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
● The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
5/10

● The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
● If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
6/10

● To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
● The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the one you are trained with.
7/10

● The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
● The crucial round is a dud.
● There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
● The density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
8/10

● Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
● Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
● The QuarterMaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
9/10

● If you have a personality conflict with your superior, he has the personality, you have the conflict.
● If you enter the CO's office with an idea, most likely, you will leave his office with his idea.
10/10
Rakesh
Forum Moderator
Posts: 18190
Joined: 15 Jan 2004 12:31
Location: Planet Earth
Contact:

Re: Military Humor and related

Post by Rakesh »

Post Reply