Military Humor and related

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rkirankr
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby rkirankr » 05 Dec 2012 17:11

Kersi D wrote:
Bheeshma wrote:Why are the chinese buying these ejection seats? All their planes crash so often. K-8 crash in venuezela was the latest :rotfl:


Have you ever heard of any official communication about air crashes in Pakistan or China ?

Well they know about it and so do not fly them.
Poor Venuezelans thought they got a top gun plane from china and the cheen maal showed its magic

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 06 Dec 2012 02:09

Image








Original version of cartoon posted by Dinesha read "Ya Ali, madad" instead of "Maa kii aankh"

member_22872
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby member_22872 » 06 Dec 2012 07:09

Long time back when I was an engineering trainee, my ex-project Manager, an elderly gentleman was a Retd wing commander. When ever I or someone did something wrong he would say:

"What do you think you are? when I was in uniform, you were not even in liquid form"

sorry if it is bit off colour, just thought of sharing.

ramana
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby ramana » 11 Dec 2012 22:07

A vintage BRF favorite:

From Peregrine:

From : --- und --- Gmbh
Wunterstrasse
Hamburg 03

22 September 2003

To : H*n*sty Trading Co. Limited
**, Shera Faisal,
Karatchi.

Fur Attention auf : Hadji Laka Mauda Khan und Hadji Chadder Mode Ahmed

Dear Sir,

Re : Bill auf Lading 2125 KHI-HMB / 03-July-2003

It is mit great pain und frustration zat vee are forced to make zis complaint fur your immediate action.

We received zee 500 Metric Tons of Bagged Pakistani Basmati Rice in zee 25 Containers mentioned in zee Bill auf Lading.

However, on opening zee bags for further packaging vee find zat efry one of zee bags has zee rice mixt mit mice schidt.

Der rice vas gutt enuff but der mice schidt schpoils der trade. Ve order kleen rice and you schipt mice schidt mit der rice. We did not see der mice schidt in der sample vich you sent us.

We put up our original Kontract auf 25 May 2003, unzer vich zis konsignment of Pakistani Basmati Rice mixt mit mice schidt has been shipped to us, to our legal department.

Our Legal Department advises zat zair is nusing mentioned zairin by vich zee Rice vee receive must to be mixt mit mice schidt.

We have zen proceeded to employ very costly German Labourmen und labourvemen to separate zee rice from zee mice schidt vich it is mixt mit.

We now haf zee Rice in Separate Bags und zee Mice Schidt in zee other separate bags.

Pleaz advise if vee should :

Keep zee rice vich vee haf paid for und return to you zee mice schidt vich we haf not paid for.

or

Keep zee mice schidt vich vee haf not paid for und return to you zee rice vich vee haf paid for und you will return to us zee money vich vee haf paid you for zee rice wizout mixing mit zee mice schidt.

or

Mix zee rice mit zee mice schidt vich is now in separate bags und return zee whole schiting lot to you und you will return to us zee money vich vee haf paid you for zee rice wizout mixing mit mice schidt.

Pleaz tell us vaat to do as vee vant to do rite in zis matter but ve do not like ziss mice schidt bisniss.

Yours Sincerely

Hans Grubber Von Schlong-Zwei Nuttenberg

Copy : ------- und -------- Gmbh, Hamburg

Copy : ------- Grain Brokers Ltd., London

Copy : ----Association, London

Cheers

vivek_ahuja
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby vivek_ahuja » 14 Dec 2012 06:31

So the US government has finally approved the Block II upgrade plan for the Santa Mobility System involving the comprehensive SSTDS. Here's an overview of the various systems that will ensure that overnight tactical chimney based deliveries are not affected by the likes of North Korea, Iran or other states declaring no-fly zones during the last two weeks of December.

Image

Please note the inclusion of the revolutionary (disruptive?) biodegradable Chaff system in the SSTDS.

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 14 Dec 2012 22:35

(from FB)Not sure if it qualifies as humour:


Rajdeep Sardesai to a General: Kargil martyrs got petrol pumps. What else do you want?

General: Send your son to get killed on border, I'll give you a pump.

**Silence**

member_22539
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby member_22539 » 14 Dec 2012 23:12

^^Funny, yet sad. I wouldn't be surprised if that media vermin did ask that question.

Raja Bose
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Raja Bose » 15 Dec 2012 00:01

Arun Menon wrote:I wouldn't be surprised if that media vermin did ask that question.


I was thinking the same thing. The quality of our DDM is such that I wouldn't be surprised if he actually asked such a question on TV.

Mukesh.Kumar
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Mukesh.Kumar » 15 Dec 2012 00:47

Rather funny one on the various branches of the US Military:

Reaction to Snakes
• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
Used tank for road rage cartoon • 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
• MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.
• JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.
• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

rajanb
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby rajanb » 15 Dec 2012 09:54


shiv
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby shiv » 15 Dec 2012 22:57


Eric Leiderman
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Eric Leiderman » 16 Dec 2012 01:10

A Pakistani US citizen goes to the doctor because he just simply doesn't feel good. He's tired, his stomach is upset, & he has a headache. Just feels terrible. The doctor checks him over and can't find any medical reason for him to feel the way he does.

He offers a Naturotherepy approach that he has seen work before. The Pakistani man is stunned, though, that the treatment means he has to go home, shit and piss into a bucket and leave it in his basement for a week.

Trust me," the doctor says, "I have seen this work."


The man goes home and follows through on the instructions. Within a day, though his house smells terrible and by the end of the week, it is an overwhelming stench. His eyes water every time he walks in the door, but he feels no better. He calls to yell at the doctor who calmly says," Go down and take three big deep breaths directly from the bucket and you will be cured."

"You're crazy!" comes the reply.
"Trust me." says the doctor.

Down he goes into the basement and he takes the first breath. Gagging and choking, he does it again. Then, on the third breath, he feels the headache leave. His stomach settles and he feels amazingly well. The stench is even tolerable.

He calls the doctor to tell him the good news. "I told you I've seen this work with people from Pakistan before," says the
doctor.

"YOU WERE JUST HOMESICK " "YOU MISSED THE SWEET SMELL OF A ROTTEN SOCIETY"

VishalJ
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 23 Dec 2012 18:58

Image

Image

Bala Vignesh
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Bala Vignesh » 24 Dec 2012 00:16

^^ :rotfl: :rotfl: ..

rajanb
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby rajanb » 24 Dec 2012 21:14

At one Paki Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that our Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 26 Dec 2012 11:47

F-22 Scores First Combat Kill Against Eight-Engined Red Aircraft

JOINT BASE ELMENDORF-RICHARDSON, AK – Captain Gary Rinch of the 622nd Fighter Wing can lay claim to the first combat kill with an F-22 fighter after shooting down what he described as “an eight-engined red aircraft” late last night.
The encounter took place on December 24th, at 2345 Alaskan Time, north of the Arctic Circle during a combat air patrol exercise.
Capt. Rinch had suspicions about the unidentified aircraft, and reported the pilot wouldn’t reply to any attempts to make contact.

“He wasn’t broadcasting any FAA or DOD identifying signals,” said Rinch. “He kept on his southerly course and had to be viewed as a threat.”

The F-22 and its pilot performed a flyby to visually inspect the aircraft at Mach 2. “I saw a red fuselage and eight powerplants moving that sucker. Of course, at that speed, things get distorted.”

After multiple attempts to force the aircraft off its course, Rinch had no choice but to fire a single missile at the airborne interloper. After multiple failed attempts to launch, Rinch considered doing another flyby and down the unresponsive craft with his cannon.
“Things got a little weird at this point. I’m not sure if it was the Aurora Borealis, or maybe I wasn’t breathing correctly to maximize the O2 system, but I could swear I saw a sparkly con-trail coming off the craft,” Rinch said.

Gurneesh
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Gurneesh » 02 Jan 2013 08:54

So this was posted in milphotos forum..

Now we know why Army is not inducting Arjun MBT.

Image

Maybe DRDO just needs to change the name to get the tank accepted.

Chinmayanand
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Chinmayanand » 10 Jan 2013 14:04

Image

sum
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby sum » 10 Jan 2013 15:29

• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 14 Jan 2013 10:50

Military downsizing for the coming recession.

Image

viveks
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby viveks » 17 Jan 2013 11:35

mani shanker aiyer, 2 days ago, totally cracked me up saying on national television that india-pakistan were "2 sides of the same ass". :lol: :lol: I cannot stop laughing about the whole thing even now...

rkirankr
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby rkirankr » 18 Jan 2013 19:39

You know the real reason for Pak's pajama shivering.
Nooo not IA Chief's Press conference.. In the flag meeting, Indians threatened , they will ask Arnab to invite all the chor.. er .. crore commanders to his show and shout at them till they go deaf.

member_23360
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby member_23360 » 21 Jan 2013 21:28

Jay Hind maiking fun of Pakistan's HATF 8 missile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_dF_5l41aQ

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 23 Jan 2013 15:40

Horrified graduates flee as fighter jets attack crowd with hats


Image

member_20317
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby member_20317 » 23 Jan 2013 15:57

^^^ na baba that is a hat ack-ack. It is the aircrafts that are fleeing. See these mujahids are already celebrating the downing of Kuffr Taiyara.

or are they celebratiing for some other reason. After all they are TFTA.

atreya
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby atreya » 14 Feb 2013 11:42

From the FB Indian Army Fans page
Image

rajanb
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby rajanb » 18 Feb 2013 11:14

President Obama was sitting in his oval office in USA wondering whom to invade next when his telephone
rang.

'Hello, Mr.. Obama!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'

'Well, Gurmukh,' Obama replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara.. That makes eight'

Obama paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'ohh ho! Main kya ji..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Obama, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD booth, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry
equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Obama asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Obama sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri.....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'

Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera palah hove oye....' said Gurmukh, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Obama! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Obama. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's,

and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'


NOW THAT'S CALLED CONFIDENCE...

(Sorry if posted earlier)

Raja Bose
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Raja Bose » 18 Feb 2013 12:37

^^^One man's delusion is another man's self-confidence.


Sanku
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Sanku » 26 Feb 2013 12:00



Thats not humor, that Singha's personal vehicle for quick one man transport for small chores, like picking up milk and eggs, paying bills, getting around the city, while downing a few regiments of Paki armor to cheer up the boring routine.

VishalJ
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 02 Mar 2013 03:26

Image

Gurinder P
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Gurinder P » 08 Mar 2013 02:32

North Korean Top Gun


Ganesh_S
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Ganesh_S » 06 Apr 2013 19:20


jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 06 May 2013 00:02

Image

hpatel
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby hpatel » 07 May 2013 05:45

Hi Jamwal,
Now that is what I call stealth :-)

jamwal
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 26 May 2013 00:19

^^
hello


Here is something new.
Image

siddharth
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby siddharth » 19 Sep 2013 17:40

A Walrus finds a great place to bask in the sun, on a Russian nuclear sub!

Image

Image

VishalJ
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EXCEPT, that its not even funny

Postby VishalJ » 13 Oct 2013 13:05

Image Image

Kersi D
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Kersi D » 13 Oct 2013 23:05

jamwal wrote:^^
hello


Here is something new.
Image


Sorry Mr Jamwal, I did not catch the point

I can see 2 Mi 24/25/35 and possible a IL 38 with a Brahmos.

Please advice this mango man !!

Kersi

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby vdutta » 14 Oct 2013 01:02

^^ That is wise.

If you gonna gubo treat a baki then you dont want your gun to get herpes.


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