Military Humor and related

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arijitkm
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby arijitkm » 01 Jan 2015 14:13

Pakistani Guy Singing Vande Mataram(Aao Bachcho Tumhe Dikhaye)


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 05 Nov 2015 12:49


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 09 Apr 2016 23:09

wutsap phorward :mrgreen:

Trump first day in Oval Office first briefing by CIA Pentagon DIA FBI

Trump: we must destroy ISIS
CIA: We cannot do that sir. We created them along with Turkey Saudi Qatar and others
Trump: the democrats created them
CIA: It was not the democrats. We created ISIS sir. You need them or else you would loose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan Let India deal with them
CIA: sir we cannot do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan
Trump: So what?
CIA: Modi will cut Baluchistan out of Pak
Trump: I do not care
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir they will stop buying our weapons they will become a superpower. Sir we have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir
Trump:you have to destroy the taliban
CIA: sir we cannot do that we created the taliban to keep Russia in check in the 80s. Now they r keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes
Trump: we have to destroy Islamic regimes. Let us start with The Saudis
Pentagon: sir we cannot do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We cannot have democracy there as otherwise their people will get that oil and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: then let us invade Iran
Pentagon: we cannot do that sir
Trump: why not?
CIA: we are talking to them sir
Trump: what? Why?
CIA: we want our stealth drone back. If we attack them then Russia will obliterate us there as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check
Trump: then let us attack Iraq again
COA: sir, our friends ISIS already control 1/3rd of Iraq
Trump: why not the whole of Iraq
CIA: sir we need the Shia govt of Iraq to keep ISIS in check sir
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US!
USCIS: We cannot do that sir
Trump: why not?
FBI: then our population will become fearless sir
Trump: I am deporting all illegals to south of the border
Border patrol: you cannot do that sir
Trump: why not?
Border patrol: if they r gone who will build the wall sir?
Trump: build the wall first you idiots!
Border patrol: then they will be on this side of the wall sir
Trump: I am banning H1Bs
USCIS: you cannot do that sir
Chief of staff: then we will have to outsource the White House to Bangalore sir
Trump: why the hell did I get elected?
CIA: To enjoy the White House sir! We create the bad guys you sign off sir. And then when we sign off you announce that you have destroyed them sir!
Trump: God bless America the land of the free and the brave

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby member_24684 » 27 Apr 2016 10:04

.

OOPS

Image

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Viv S » 28 Apr 2016 05:08

:?: :?: :?: :?:


Image


:!: :!: :!: :!:

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby tsarkar » 04 May 2016 19:15

This is too good to be true http://www.cag.gov.in/sites/default/fil ... 4_2014.pdf

4.4 Avoidable extra expenditure due to procurement of coffee at a higher rate
:rotfl:

In January 2010 HQ ENC (V) floated an Open Tender Enquiry (OTE) for the supply of 10,000 Kgs of Coffee (100 %) at the Base Victualling Yard, Visakhapatnam [BVY (V)] for the period from 01 April 2010 to 31 March 2011. Eight firms collected the tenders, of which four firms did not quote. Of the remaining four firms, who participated in the tender procedure, the quote of M/s Kendriya Bhandar was rejected as the samples contained coffee-chicory mix which was not as per specifications laid down in the tender document. M/s Nestle, Chennai emerged L1 at `880 per Kg coffee (Brand-Nescafe Classic) and accordingly Rate Contract (RC) was concluded (March 2010) by HQ ENC (V) with M/s Nestle India Ltd., Chennai for `88 lakh for 10,000 Kgs of Coffee (100%).

We noticed in Audit (August 2012) that for the same period i.e. 01 April 2010 to 31 March 2011, Headquarters Western Naval Command, Mumbai [HQ WNC (MB)] had concluded (April 2010) a contract with M/s CCL Products (India) Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad for the Continental brand of Coffee (100%) at 435 per Kg i.e. at half the rate as compared to HQ ENC (V). Our scrutiny showed that HQ ENC (V) did not call for rates and the brand name from HQ WNC (MB) though this was required to have been done as per the IHQ Guidelines of November 2006.

Further scrutiny revealed that in November 2010, in view of the impending expiry of the said RC, a fresh OTE was floated by HQ ENC (V) for the next year i.e. from 01 April 2011 to 30 March 2012, inviting bids for supply of Coffee in two types of packs viz 500 gms and 50 gms, for an estimated quantity of 12,000 Kgs and 2,000 Kgs respectively. The Technical Board approved ‘Nestle Classic’ brand quoted by both: M/s Nestle who was the L1 for 500 gm pack at `880 per Kg and M/s Indian
Naval Canteen Services for 50 gm pack at `1150 per Kg. However these rates were considered to be very high and this time, HQ ENC (V) made enquiries with HQ WNC (MB) and Headquarters Southern Naval Command, Kochi [HQ SNC (K)] to compare the rates. It was only then did HQ ENC (V) become aware of M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad who was registered
with HQ WNC (MB).

Accordingly when in July 2011, ENC (V) re-tendered on OTE basis for supply of Coffee for 2011-2012, M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad also participated in the TE and emerged as L1 at `516 per Kg for 500 gm pack and `525 per Kg for 50 gm pack. Had there been a similar exchange of information between Commands during the previous year (2010-2011), the
conclusion of contract by HQ ENC (V) at double the rate as compared to HQ WNC (MB) could have been avoided.
Meanwhile, in anticipation of delay in conclusion of this RC, BVY (V) resorted to local purchase and procured 2,000 Kgs of Coffee at `880 per Kg from M/s Nestle India Ltd., Chennai at a total cost of `17.60 lakh between the period April 2011 and September 2011.

The matter was referred (April 2013) to the Ministry of Defence. In its reply Ministry stated (November 2013) that HQ ENC (V) had concluded the contract with M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad, for the period 2010-11 on 08 March 2010, while HQ WNC concluded contract for the same period on 27 April 2010, and thus HQ ENC concluded the contract well before HQ WNC and therefore price information could not be exchanged. Ministry also stated that though HQ ENC resorted to open tender for procurement of coffee; M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad did not respond. Ministry contended that procurement of coffee from M/s Nestle in 2010-11 was as per existing regulations and DPM provisions, at competitive prices.

The reply of the Ministry is however not acceptable. The Ministry’s contention that HQ WNC had concluded a contract after HQ ENC is incorrect as M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad was registered with HQ WNC since the year 2009 and a contract for 2009-10 was also concluded by HQ WNC with them in May 2009. However, exchange of information between the Command Headquarters on brands/prices did not take place, though it was a requirement. Further, Ministry’s reply that M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad did not participate in tender for procurement of coffee in 2010-11, has to be seen in the light of the fact that OTE for this procurement restricted the response only to specified brands of Nescafe, Sunrise, Nestle and Tata Cafe. In such scenario, M/s CCL Products Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad could not have bid. Ministry’s contention that procurement of coffee from M/s Nestle in 2010-11 was as per the existing regulations and DPM provisions, at competitive prices, is also incorrect, as DPM precludes references to brand names in the RFP. This resulted in an extra expenditure of `53.40 lakh.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby vsunder » 16 May 2016 01:40


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 26 Jun 2016 10:47

So at the Harrier retirement ceremony at INS Hansa on the 11th of May one of the patrakar/media fellow comes-up to me and asks me about the CNS as he was making his way back after making a speech, "woh safed kurta wala junrul kaun hai?" :!: :!: :!: :!:


PS: this was preceded by the female host (clear Indian accent, void of any intonation - a standard feature of govt events) clearly announcing his entry after reading the CNS' bio-data complete with his decorations but still ^^ :roll:

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 20 Jan 2017 19:47

Image

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 01 Apr 2017 10:35

[Image

Bala Vignesh
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Bala Vignesh » 01 Apr 2017 19:48

jamwal wrote:[Image

That's just pure lazy evil genius!!! Had me in splits!!

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 05 Apr 2017 20:11


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Gagan » 05 Apr 2017 21:45

Vishal,
What's so funny about the photos other than them looking like they've been shot using a cellphone camera?

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 06 Apr 2017 01:18

They're blurry and basically totally crap¿

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Eric Leiderman » 10 Jun 2017 10:33

85% of Porkis are sure they can win a war against India. The 15% that do not are the Porki army

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 22 Jun 2017 23:18


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Kashi » 23 Jun 2017 06:12

No LCA in the poster?

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby deejay » 23 Jun 2017 09:21

Vishal they got the labeling wrong man! I mean its HAL's poster for HAL's aircraft.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby shiv » 23 Jun 2017 09:26

Actually - by calling the HTT 40 a rotorcraft HAL are sending a secret message that spin trials have been successful...

But LUH is marked LCH and LCH as LUH. Shameful

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby deejay » 23 Jun 2017 09:47

Shiv ji, I don't think HTT 40 is the issue since the rotorcraft title is only for the poster. But that poster error makes me smile. Once noticed, I hope they corrected it. HAL needs to spruce up its marketing. I really hope it does. What you say about yourself is important.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 23 Jun 2017 13:18

deejay wrote:Vishal they got the labeling wrong man! I mean its HAL's poster for HAL's aircraft.
:idea:
shiv wrote:But LUH is marked LCH and LCH as LUH. Shameful

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby tsarkar » 23 Jun 2017 14:15

^^ In GoI, priority for spending marketing funding is to ensure Bada Sahib's trip goes well, and the rest of his coterie have a good time at Paris including a trip to Crazy Horse.

The poster would be made by an agency run by an otherwise unemployable Baba of a Bada Saheb who can game the L1 procedure.

Did anyone calculate the RoI of mantris & their wives' abroad "study tours" that still continues unabated in Modi regime?

And people wonder why DPSU products don't sell :D

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jamwal » 23 Jun 2017 20:20

Image

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby VishalJ » 27 Jun 2017 18:13


shiv
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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby shiv » 03 Aug 2017 18:32

Heck no one even looked at this on the "serious" threads
https://twitter.com/bennedose/status/893052808563380225

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby sanjaykumar » 23 Nov 2017 05:02

Does Sunny Leone do hard Kaur p o r n?

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Rakesh » 23 Nov 2017 05:58

Sanjay, that joke is more suited at Bharat Ganrajya Forum. Not here.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Gagan » 23 Nov 2017 08:56

VishalJ wrote:https://www.facebook.com/Livefist/photos/a.173352522703379.31795.115445181827447/1442691435769475/

They so badly need a marketing division, hopefully semi pvt or fully pvt

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Manish_P » 04 Jan 2019 12:08

Historic British UFO mystery was 'prank played on US air force by SAS'

Britain's most famous UFO mystery was a prank played on the Americans by the SAS, according to insiders.

The truth about the Rendlesham Forest incident in Suffolk, has been kept under wraps for 38 years. But now it is claimed the US air force was fooled by the SAS in revenge for capturing a squad and subjecting them to a brutal interrogation.

The SAS were said to have regularly tested US security by probing the perimeters of RAF Woodbridge in Suffolk. Nuclear warheads were said to be stored there and it was believed to be a key target for Soviet agents. But when an SAS troop parachuted into the complex one night in August 1980 they were unaware the guards had upgraded their radar system.

Their black parachutes were immediately detected and the British were hauled off for questioning. They claimed they were beaten up by their captors who refused to believe who they were and repeatedly referred to as “unidentified aliens”.

They were eventually released 18 hours later after the British authorities intervened. But the SAS soldiers were seething at being called aliens on their own soil and reportedly started plotting their revenge.

The SAS men spent the autumn nights reconnoitring the perimeter of the base where it met Rendlesham Forest. As December approached, lights and coloured flares were rigged in the woods. Black helium balloons were also coupled to remote-controlled kites to carry suspended materials into the sky, activated by radio-controls.

The incident – dubbed the British Roswell – took place over three nights between 26 and 28 December, in 1980.

Military personnel from nearby RAF Bentwaters and RAF Woodbridge, including the deputy base commander, witnessed strange lights in the forest and hovering above the twin NATO airbases which were on high alert as the Cold War was at its peak.

“A great deal of nocturnal Christmas fun was had at the expense of the USAF – and the matter should have ended there,” according to a letter written to Dr Clarke by an alleged SAS source.

“Unfortunately, a senior US officer (Lt Col Halt) led the US contingent out into the forest on the second night and took along his tape recorder.

“The hovering and whizzing lights were sufficiently impressive for him to send a report to the MoD.

“Someone in London recalled the events of the previous August and questions were asked. A few red faces - but also some satisfaction and amusement - followed.

“The USAF was ‘reassured’ at a very senior level and no UK investigation was undertaken – for obvious reasons.”


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby disha » 10 Jan 2019 05:37

HAL Can Match Dassault’s Delivery Time for 100 Rafale Jets: Former MD’s Message to Govt

:rotfl:

https://www.news18.com/news/opinion/hal-can-match-dassaults-delivery-time-for-100-rafale-jets-former-mds-message-to-govt-1996525.html

In the recent debates on Rafale, some reservations have been expressed on HAL’s (Hindustan Aeronautics Limited) capacity and capability to manufacture the state-of-the-art fourth-plus generation fighter jets.

Let me begin by asserting that HAL has all the experience, infrastructure, skills and competence to manufacture Rafale. HAL has been producing over the last several years’ contemporary modern combat aircraft like MiG series, Jaguars, Su-30MKI, AJT Hawk etc under Transfer of Technology (ToT).

HAL had effectively and efficiently absorbed these technologies, and produced and delivered these aircraft to our defence forces.

As per the media reports and discussions in Parliament, it appears that the contract negotiations for 126 Rafales, which had taken several years and involved a lot of resources, were quite close to conclusion in 2011-12, but could not be signed due to both parties reaching a deadlock.

Two issues on which deadlock had been reached were regarding man-hours that HAL would take to finish the job and guarantees to be provided by Dassault Aviation.

I think if these were part of original Request for Quote (RFQ) conditions against which Dassault aviation had submitted their quote, then it was obligatory on the part of Dassault to honour these conditions and commitments.

However, these issues should have been sorted out quickly in the early stages of negotiations keeping in mind the delayed signing could impact IAF’s fleet strength, which was dwindling at a rapid rate.

In my professional opinion, it may be worthwhile even now to make efforts and explore the possibilities of signing a new contract for indigenous manufacture of Rafales in an Inter-Governmental Agreement (IGA).

The new contract for Rafales could be same in specifications, standard of preparation (SoP), weaponry, avionics, and other systems as those we have secured in the 36 Rafales deal.

The new manufacturing contract should encompass total technology transfer that will include airframe, aero engine, avionics, radar, accessories, systems, and various other onboard equipment. Depth of technology transfer should be of highest percentage to facilitate maximisation of indigenous manufacture. { :lol: }

On the issue of man-hours, HAL would have, more or less, matched, and still can, the time that Dassault will take to manufacture the jets in France.

Had the contract been concluded in 2012 itself, it would have facilitated commencement of the production of Rafale in 2014-15 in India and the IAF would have received the first Rafale aircraft in fly-away condition by 2017-18.

Another aspect of the ongoing debate on Rafale has been about the benefits of producing these fighter jets in India. There are many advantages in doing so. Let me enumerate a few.

Indigenously produced Rafales with IAF will give India the best cost-effective solution for setting up of Maintenance, Repair and Overhaul (MRO) facilities, simulator and training facilities, long term product support, cost effective inventory management of engines, accessories, systems, equipment, spares and other items.

As per my assessment, indigenous production of at least 100 aircraft will be cost-effective and commercially viable for us.

If {operative word for this farticle :) } such a contract, with full ToT, is signed at the earliest, it would facilitate indigenous manufacture of this state-of-the-art aircraft in India in the next 30 months from the date of signing of the contract and delivery in 44 months from the date of signing the dotted line.

India with a large fleet of 136 aircraft and elaborate MRO facilities, and manufacturing facilities for spares, will have the potential to emerge as a major MRO hub for our friendly countries, given that France may in near future stop locally producing the Rafale line of aircraft.

Also, indigenous production of Rafales will provide best product support to the IAF fleet and reduce the French dependence on its operations and maintenance. It will ensure long-term product support in its operational cycle.

Maintenance costs will be substantially lower over a period of time as opportunity costs for the spares will drop over longer period of time, plus obsolescence management will be far easier over its life cycle.

Meanwhile, India will be operating Rafales for next 60 years, till the completion of its calendar life. The facilities set up in India could be useful for other customers of Dassault aviation. Using the existing production facilities India could manufacture Rafale fighter aircraft to mutually agreed friendly countries. Plus the man-hour rates for India will be much lower as compared to those in France. This will be a win-win situation for both countries.


:rotfl:

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby jaysimha » 10 Jan 2019 13:27

disha wrote:
Let me begin by asserting that HAL has all the experience, infrastructure, skills and competence to manufacture Rafale. HAL has been producing over the last several years’ contemporary modern combat aircraft like MiG series, Jaguars, Su-30MKI, AJT Hawk etc under Transfer of Technology (ToT).

HAL had effectively and efficiently absorbed these technologies, and produced and delivered these aircraft to our defence forces.


Also, indigenous production of Rafales will provide best product support to the IAF fleet and reduce the French dependence on its operations and maintenance. It will ensure long-term product support in its operational cycle.

Meanwhile, India will be operating Rafales for next 60 years, till the completion of its calendar life. The facilities set up in India could be useful for other customers of Dassault aviation. Using the existing production facilities India could manufacture Rafale fighter aircraft to mutually agreed friendly countries. Plus the man-hour rates for India will be much lower as compared to those in France. This will be a win-win situation for both countries.




He is giving clear answers as to why Dassault Aviation ( through ruling party ) dint give a chance to HAL.

mantrys, babus and ghoras want just someone to paint "Made in India " and give it to IAF.


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby JayS » 10 Jan 2019 14:40

disha wrote:HAL Can Match Dassault’s Delivery Time for 100 Rafale Jets: Former MD’s Message to Govt

:rotfl:


He is talking of total delivery time for 100 jets. This is 10yr time frame. Which surely HAL can match.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby ArjunPandit » 10 Jan 2019 15:16

^^while the good person might be speaking earnestly, as they did for Hawk, it sounds to me, like " give me a lever, strong enough, and I will move the earth". As pointed out the key word is ToT. The key point here, as pointed out, is full ToT

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby disha » 11 Jan 2019 00:10

^^ Surely HAL can match the dassault delivery time or the quality or both. Eventually. Sounds like "operation successful, patient dead"

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Manish_P » 16 Jan 2019 12:29

Ghanian 'Super Soldiers' (hopefully the Pakis will come up with something similar soon)

Image

See it to believe it


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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby deejay » 20 Jan 2019 00:53

^ Why is the Chinese guy driving an Alien APC for the Ghana Army?

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Rakesh » 20 Jan 2019 01:04

^^^ The latest Chinese technology. This is what happens when they do not xerox copy.

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby Bala Vignesh » 20 Jan 2019 10:23

Is it just me or does it seem like the "AP " is a bus with the body re-worked??

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Re: Military Humor and related

Postby JayS » 21 Jan 2019 02:01

Are they wearing motorcycle helmets..? :shock: Tony stark must be laughing somewhere.. :rotfl: :rotfl:


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