Now there has been enough technical analysis by enough knowledgeable folks already, so this one is mostly about sarcastic mocking of the Paki Propagandu and some humour.
Btw, this chain of thoughts got my twitter account locked for half a day!
It all began on the last Jumma Day on 5th April. After his weekly Jumma bath, the Brown Pants Propagandu-in-Chief started his PropaganduOfTheDay with the national motto of the Republic of India – सत्यमेव जयते.
Oh, only if he knew what was to follow!
So, what exactly had happened, you ask?
Well, a Gori Memsaab had written a piece in a Western publication, no less, that Beggaristan’s American masters had come to take a quick count up of Paki F-16s and declared that all were intact!
So ‘excited’ was the Propagandu-in-Chief, that he took a bit longer than usual in his weekly Jumma shower bath and almost yelled out MARTIALLAW as he ‘finished’! Thankfully, he quickly corrected himself and yelled सत्यमेव जयते instead! (No pun intended, Sachchi!)
BUTT .. he thought as he ‘finished’ ..
Oh, well, I digress. He and his shower ‘thoughts’ are none of our business!
Coming back to the topic, the Gori Mem endorsing the Brown Pants was a BIG deal indeed!
In the midst of all this ‘excitement’ early on a Jumma Din, there was a ‘slight’ oversight by Shri Propagandu-in-Chief. The Gori Mem had based her entire ‘scoop’ on unnamed ‘sources’ from the power circles in the US of A!
Heck, even Baskin Robbins guys could produce better ‘scoops’ than this one. And what’s more, their ‘scoops’ would be quite tasteful to the palate than the Shit that the Gori Mem managed to scoop and fling, to much cheering by Brown Pants, for obvious reasons!
So here was the deal – a Gori Mem citing unknown ‘sources’ Vs a Two Star officer of Indian Air Force OFFICIALLY confirming an F-16 claim. Hmm .. difficult choice, no?
As far as the Brown Panted ones go, Gori Chamdi wins. Always & Every Time. Esp, when flinging Shit!
Just to refresh you all, here is what the IAF officially acknowledged in its presser right after Wing Commander Abhinandan shot down the Paki F-16.
Of course, there was the little, ‘uncomfortable’ fact that the Pakis themselves had admitted to losing one of their own aircraft in that short but epic engagement over the lands of Kashyap Mir, better known as Kashmir today.
Here is how it went.
Soon after the engagement, the Pakis were exhilarated.
TWO AIRCRAFT SHOT DOWN!
THREE PILOTS CAPTURED!
No one thought to confirm whom those aircraft belonged to. Typical of the ‘quick shot’ Propagandu-in-Chief, he let one out .. err .. prematurely .. yet again!
Soon, the inevitable happened.
The Propagandu-in-Chief left for his afternoon potty.
NOW was the time to tell him, the minions decided.
“Err .. Saheb .. there is a breaking news regarding the air battle .. one of the captured pilots is our own”, they shouted from outside his latrine door and ran away before he could pull up his pants!
He grumbled a few ‘jumma eve compliant’ expletives and quickly rushed out, his potty business only half done.
‘Damn those idiot minions’, he grumbled, ‘if only they weren’t so gorgeous ..’
A quick few phone calls later, he had the entire ‘free’ media of Beggaristan outside his office.
There are only TWO Indian pilots, he said, including one in hospital.
Not one of the ‘free’ Paki pressmen asked, लेकिन जनाब, सुबह तो तीन पायलट थे!
But then again, in the spirit of सत्यमेव जयते, later in the day, someone updated him again. Janab, wo hospital wala bhi apna hee hai.
DAMMIT, he croaked, his throat parched, YE TO GHANI WALI DE-PANTING HO GAYI AAJ!
But there was a job to be done.
Like the true Brown Panted Soldier that he was, he tightened his belt, applied his makeup, and went online again.
Jee ek hee pilot hai hamare paas!
But then, he wasn’t the Propagandu-in-Chief for nothing!
He decided to counter the uncomfortable truth by simply ignoring it!
No F-16s were used, he croaked next.
Oh, btw, the Indians had recently purchased a used AMRAAM from OLX!
Things went on and on over the next few days and weeks, but the Propagandu-in-Chief had a genuine doubt in his mind – DID THAT IDIOT PAF CHIEF BETRAY THE BROWN PANTS BY HOLDING BACK THE INFO OF LOSS OF HIS F-16 AND HIS PILOTS FOR SO LONG? (This is something playing on my mind since long. The PAF would have known right away that they've lost an F-16 and its pilots. Why didn't they tell it to the PA for so long remains the question)
But well, saannu ki!
I wind up this blog post with a hat tip to Sqn Leader MM Alam who claimed to have shot down five Indian jets in 28 seconds in 1965. His claims were taken at face value and he became an overnight hero, one used even today to remind Indians how AWESOME the PAF is!
Yet, one wonders why no one talks about the dozens of Indian aircraft he would have shot down in 1971. Truth of the matter is that he wasn’t allowed to even fly in 1971! Btw, I’ll leave this piece here without any further comment – Thirty Seconds over Sargodha.
Do read it!