Bakistan: Emirate of New-clear Inquilabi States-Bojitiv Newj

rsharma · Post by **rsharma** » 26 Aug 2009 12:12

anandsgh wrote:thiz iz Bakistan's new Biki entry!!

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Pakistan

(Except the mention of Gandhi ji, all other things seem to fit well)

From the same article:

In 1981, the US president John Travolta maa ka b***** sent Pakistan a bunch of Atari 2600s for $15 billion, claiming them to be "Military Defence Super Computers". Jinnah exploded in rage and farted when he found he was decieved. He ordered all Ataris be replaced with Nintendos so that Pakistanis atleast get some fun out of their hard earned farmer cash. Now, every farmer has a Nintendo built-in with their cow udders. Farmers can now play nintendo while fetching the milk from their cow udders.

Dilbu · Post by **Dilbu** » 26 Aug 2009 18:21

CM declares Multan ‘pig city’ on PM’s recommendation

MULTAN: On the rekommendation of Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gila nahi, Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif declared Multan a ‘pig city’ on Tuesdin.

The decision will pave way for ‘pig city’ allowance for government employees deputed in Multan. He was also quick to clarify that this announcement had nothing to do with 'swine flew', Suarco or Zardari.

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:04

Random mullas trying out takniki oph raakit mard after phlying kourse at Lal madarsa

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:08

Dear IED-tor,
Bhaat ij meaning of this?
1. I am fully agree with 'impigment' of musharraf.
2. I thought musharraf was a day mard, now why they calling him 'raat ki ghodi', kyon ji?

Pleej to spread some light.
Gagan

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:16

Whaat ij Deeeeeep NGO? Ij it related to tarrel than mountain and deepel than ocean?

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:19

Wimmen bolis protecting the mithai ki dukaan after dilbulla waj spotted on a mithai eating and kanadian vija distributing spree.

Wimmen bolis searching for faraar LMU maulanas

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:21

Bicchar of Faraar LMU maulanas in mufti

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:22

Spaat the raa ajint kantest:

Gagan · Post by **Gagan** » 26 Aug 2009 22:26

Pakhistan in 21phst century

PratikDas · Post by **PratikDas** » 27 Aug 2009 09:28

Eid Mubarak from Karachi

RajeshA · Post by **RajeshA** » 27 Aug 2009 15:06

apnon men Eid manane ke liye jaa rahe hain, Karachi ke log.., Karachi ke log, Bibi side se nikal jaa...

Sachin · Post by **Sachin** » 28 Aug 2009 13:49

RajeshA wrote:Bibi side se nikal jaa...

Wait for even more fun nearing the end of the video clip. Chand Nawaz gets all riled up and calls a tresspasser "abhe..bhad*e"

.

niran · Post by **niran** » 28 Aug 2009 16:45

AoA
what eej dhis eye dekh?? Mulla Sak-al-chin here yat LMU!!
wellekome janab, wellekome to da really real edukashun.

Salam.

Vikas · Post by **Vikas** » 28 Aug 2009 20:50

Doo juu mullahaz get brainache bhile reading ather treads. Theej dayj chanikiyaan yindoo kan not talk anything ather thaan Q-e-A and bartishun and Jaaswant Singhs kitaab.
Ya mere maula! Inko ilam ki roshni dikha by pringing them to the LMU madarassa bhere ebery bum eej a Qaid in itself. Our matto ," Eato,drinko and be-mariyo (aanlee 4 times at a dime)"

Phaar juar smiles, Matla Arz kiya hai...
Yaade Gubo azaab hai ya rab, Cheen le mujhse haafiza mera..

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 28 Aug 2009 21:50

archan · Post by **archan** » 28 Aug 2009 21:55

Theeje [img] tags are not halal. LMU needs to come ub with [bicchar] and [/bicchar] tags phor the truly bious bicchars to work. I had to quote jamwaluddin and get the Al UArEl of the bicchar pefore I could see it.

Rahul M · Post by **Rahul M** » 28 Aug 2009 21:57

Gagan wrote:
Whaat ij Deeeeeep NGO? Ij it related to tarrel than mountain and deepel than ocean?

arre you sooaar it's naat "deepp 'N go" ?!

Kakkaji · Post by **Kakkaji** » 28 Aug 2009 23:47

Phraam thij bheek's Jumma Times:

Diary of a Social Butterfly

'R amadan Kareem is here,’ I said to Janoo.

There was no reply from behind the wall of newspaper on the sofa. Maybe he’s died or something, I thought. After all, he’s been behind that wall all morning, maybe even from night before, with no movement, nothing. But then the newspaper would have fallen, no?

‘I said Ramadan Kareem is here,’ I said raising my voice like I do for poor old Aunty Dodo, Aunty Pussy’s mother-in-law.

‘Don’t have to shout. I can hear you,’ came a voice from behind the newspaper.

‘Then why don’t you reply first time, haan? Making me repeat and repeat for nothing.’

‘Because I don’t understand Arabic, still less speak it.’

‘So who’s speaking Arabic, for God sake?’

‘You are.’

‘Me?’

‘Yes, you.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

Silence.

‘What do you mean, Arabic?’ I said.

‘In Urdu we call it Ramzan. Just Ramzan.’

‘Ramadan Kareem sounds more holy, more respectful.’

‘No it just sounds more Arabic, ya wife.’

‘Don’t call me ya wife.’

‘But surely it sounds more respectful?’

I trounced out of the room. No point khappaowing your head with a crack. Anyways, my patients tau totally goes when I am fasting.

At iftaar time we were sitting down at the table. Even Janoo was there. Honestly, vaisay sometimes I don’t recognize him without a newspaper on his face. Kulchoo and he had been exchanging looks throughout while I loudly loudly told the servants that because it was Ramadan Kareem and because I knew they were fasting I wouldn’t make them serve us first. Because I am like that. Kind. Considerate. I asked Kulchoo if he’d like some tea.

‘Shaay? La, shukran, ya umme.’ He said.

‘Tea?’ I repeated.

‘La, ya umme’ said Kulchoo, helping himself to pakoras while Janoo patted a napkin to his twitching mouth. And then, ‘The lahm’s a bit pongy al-yom, ya umme? Still, mustn’t complain during Ramadan al Kareem.’

‘Don’t think I don’t know what you two are up to, ji,’ I hissed at Janoo.

‘Me? What have I done?’ asked Janoo, acting all innocent jaisa.

‘This Arabic sharabic. It’s all YOUR doing.’

‘My doing?’

‘La, ya umme,’ cut in Kulchoo. ‘Min fadlak, don’t blame ya abu.’

‘I’m not going to sit here and allow you two to lagao my record,’ I said getting up from the table and flinging my napkin on the table. ‘Sharif,’ I shouted to the bearer. ‘Bring my dinner to my room. At once.’

‘But what about Ramadan Al Kareem, ya umme?’ called Kulchoo after me.

archan · Post by **archan** » 29 Aug 2009 00:24

Continuing with the LMU myoojic and boetry series, I inbhite all yu moojahides to indulge in an ongoing boetry series. Every moojahide can quote the brevious line and add one (or zyada) lines. Hiyar ij your starting line...

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...

Atri · Post by **Atri** » 29 Aug 2009 01:23

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

Rahul M · Post by **Rahul M** » 29 Aug 2009 01:27

Chiron wrote:Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

wah wah !

Prem · Post by **Prem** » 29 Aug 2009 01:27

Kub Tab Bacchegi Indoo se
Mushaaaarraf Bak Ki
Laga le isme Vazleen
Ayee Turn Amritraj ki.

Anujan · Post by **Anujan** » 29 Aug 2009 01:54

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To duniawaale pehente na shalwar na kurtay...
aur kushpoo to itna zhor se mohabbat na kartay...
Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...

Mahendra · Post by **Mahendra** » 29 Aug 2009 01:57

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay..
To Paki rupee se hum har subah Musharaff na dhotay
Quaid ke tasweer se Musharaff na Pochtay
Na NDTV pe hum Dekhtay
Indo Pak Mohabattey

Mahendra · Post by **Mahendra** » 29 Aug 2009 02:00

Agar Duniya mein Paki na hotay
To sab cousins kuware hi hotay
Karodo inbreds paida na hotay
Aur hum raat ko araam se sotay

BijuShet · Post by **BijuShet** » 29 Aug 2009 02:00

I bas visiting my vatan this morning. Unlike the kufr who prefer to use bater I use ghas to clean my musharraf. My khuspoo was with me at the time and she ate all the ghas around so I had to reach for my Sawera baber. Just as I was tearing a biece my nazar phell on the editorial bage. I bant the opinion of the LMU Jirga on this tapic. I breserve thij article aj ij becoj I bant See near Jirga members to discuss this article in great depth. Baki mard may now habe to stock up on lubbel along with vaserine.

Family planning is no sin

By Asghar Ali Engineer
Friday, 28 Aug, 2009 | 12:55 AM PST IT remains a controversial issue among Muslims. Some, like the Taliban, maintain that Islam has no place for family planning; others say it is not at all against the tenets of Islam.

Some mullahs oppose it on grounds that the Prophet (PBUH) urged us to increase the number of Muslims. They should, therefore, multiply their numbers. They also quote a verse from the Quran, “And kill not your children for fear of poverty — We provide for them and for you. Surely killing them is a great wrong.” (17:31).

In this verse what is being said is not related to family planning for the following reasons. One, the verse speaks of children born and not those who have not even been conceived yet. Two, no one would ever advocate killing children already born or even conceived and in an advanced stage of pregnancy. It would certainly amount to killing.

According to Imam Raghib in Mufradat (which is a dictionary of the Quran), here the killing of children means not giving them proper education as ignorance is intellectual death and intellectual death is worse than physical death in a sense. If what Imam Raghib says is taken as the latent meaning of the above verse, it strengthens the position of those who advocate family planning. To have more children means that parents will not be able to properly educate them.

Not only that but parents will not even be able to feed them and give them nourishing food necessary for good health and upbringing. This will be possible if the number of children is less. Interestingly, this was the position of Imam Shafii, while explaining verse 4:3. The last words of this verse, which mainly relate to polygamy are: dhalika adna alla taulu, which is normally rendered as ‘This is more proper so that you may not do injustice.” But Imam Shafii translates it as, “So that you may not increase your progeny” (from the Arabic ayal).

Thus Imam Shafii says the meaning of the verse would be if you fear you cannot do justice then marry once so that you may not have more children. If Imam Shafii’s translation is accepted then the Quran itself advocates having fewer children or spacing children in such a way that you may not feel burdened and may educate them properly and nourish them properly, as Imam Raghib also says.

Some other commentators maintain the verse 17:31 relates to the tradition among Arabs of killing their daughters. They used to argue that being poor they could not provide for them. Therefore, Allah says, “We provide for them and for you.” In any case there is no question of killing children already born. Family planning is certainly not about killing children but spacing them and restricting their number to match one’s income.

Imam Ghazali also quotes a number of traditions from the Prophet (PBUH) to show that the prevention of an unwanted birth is permissible, especially if the mother’s health is in danger. According to him both husband and wife can prevent the birth of a child with mutual consent. Ghazali goes one step further and says conception can be prevented even if the mother’s beauty is likely to be affected.

He even approves of various ways of aborting a child, up to the third month of pregnancy, if the mother’s health is in danger, and shows some ways of abortion. Many jurists maintain that abortion on grounds of saving the mother’s life is permissible up to the third month of pregnancy, as according to the Quran, Allah infuses life in the fourth stage of conception. Hazrat Ali is also reported to have approved of abortion up to the third month in case of danger to the mother’s life on the basis of this Quranic verse.

Also, the Prophet had permitted azl (coitus interruptus) if one goes with one’s wife on a long journey and does not want his wife to bear a child while travelling. Some scholars argue that azl should be taken in a much wider meaning, and can justify today the use of contraceptives, as azl was the only known contraceptive in those days.

Also, family planning was not a necessity in those days and this question did not arise as in our own times. In those days the question arose only on grounds of the mother’s life or health. Thus, we need to answer this question ourselves. One can also use the doctrine of zarrorah (necessity), which declares even haram as halal if there is a pressing necessity.

In any case it would not be correct to denounce family planning as a sin. It basically involves the prevention of unwanted pregnancy, nothing more and nothing less.

The writer is an Islamic scholar, and heads the Centre for Study of Society & Secularism, Mumbai

Anujan · Post by **Anujan** » 29 Aug 2009 02:02

Wah wah vamanullah !

Arz kiya hai..

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To duniawaale pehente na shalwar na kurtay...
aur kushpoo to itna zhor se mohabbat na kartay...
Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...

Agar Duniya mein Paki na hotay
To sab cousins kuware hi hotay
Karodo inbreds paida na hotay
Aur hum raat ko araam se sotay
araam se sotay...araam se sotay....araam se sotay....

Prem · Post by **Prem** » 29 Aug 2009 02:59

Agar duniya me Pakistan na hota
Har admi badboo-se Preshan hota
Gar na banai hoti ATM ne Musharraf
Bahut takleef me sara jahan hota.

Mahendra · Post by **Mahendra** » 29 Aug 2009 03:12

Spechal 90% Ramadan discount on stripes kurtesy Zardari

Dilbulla issues fake visa

Anujan · Post by **Anujan** » 29 Aug 2009 03:26

Bojitive neuj !! Bakistanis talibs invent zero ! Another feather in lalbrofessor's cap !!

KARACHI: Zero pass percentage for 45 institutions in HSC exams

Not a single student of the pre-engineering and science general groups from 45 educational institutes in the city has passed the Higher Secondary School Certificate Part-II Annual Examinations-2009. In the general group exams, the pass percentage of 24 institutes, including a government college, 19 private colleges, and four government higher secondary schools, remained zero.

Prem · Post by **Prem** » 29 Aug 2009 03:36

[quote="vamanDilbulla issues fake visa[/quote]

Arree Aabdul, garri nikao, rebutation ka sawal hai.

Bhima · Post by **Bhima** » 29 Aug 2009 03:45

Marital visits for Bakistan jails approved

The order followed a petition which argued that the lack of conjugal rights was behind rising levels of homosexual sex and drug addiction in jails.

pgbhat · Post by **pgbhat** » 29 Aug 2009 05:50

archan · Post by **archan** » 29 Aug 2009 20:11

^^ I can see signs of dard-e-GUBO above. He looks like he is in discomfort.

Mahendra · Post by **Mahendra** » 29 Aug 2009 20:23

After applying Halal de-censoring convertor mark 786 ISI mark

The situation will reverse in 20 saal when we would see Govardhan Brown begging for khana from Kaliph of Griater Bakistan and Azad Wales Kaliph Zardari-Bhutto

KrishG · Post by **KrishG** » 29 Aug 2009 21:05

Jacket munna selling watch bombs!

Errrr.........Bhat ij thij ?

AdityaM · Post by **AdityaM** » 29 Aug 2009 21:44

^ Rakit-mans in slanting launch position
2 in Surface to Air and 1 in surface to surface mode

Atri · Post by **Atri** » 29 Aug 2009 22:07

Anujan wrote:Wah wah vamanullah !

Arz kiya hai..

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To GUBO karne waale, Baaki na hotay..
Baaki na Hotay... Baki na Hotay.. Baki na hotay.

Agar duniya meinN hum Paaki na hotay...
To duniawaale pehente na shalwar na kurtay...
aur kushpoo to itna zhor se mohabbat na kartay...
Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...Mohabbat na kartay...

Agar Duniya mein Paki na hotay
To sab cousins kuware hi hotay
Karodo inbreds paida na hotay
Aur hum raat ko araam se sotay
araam se sotay...araam se sotay....araam se sotay....

Afreen, anujanullah.... afreen.. bhat a carry phaarward !!!

Agar is duniya mein hum Paki na hotay,
to baitullah aur talibani YYY agents na hotay,
ye kaisi ulfat hai, aye parwardigar...
literal-e-quran followers, kaafir na hotay..

Agar is duniya mein hum paki na hotay,
to usama laden ke kisse mashahoor na hotay,
ye kaisi teri maya hai, aye mere khuda,
Apni "Bhaaratiya" identity se abdul begaane na hotay..

Agar is duniya mein hum paaki na hotay,
to duniya me brain-washing ki hum misaal na hotay,
Ye kaisi teri karni hai, mere Prabhu.
Panini aur Patanjali ke Descendents rakkitmard na hotay...

Anujan · Post by **Anujan** » 30 Aug 2009 00:03

Independenje din edition !!!

Aljo Injide: Ten tips phor bakistani for "going" green campaign
1. Eat more grass
2. Green ink on Amritraj's raakit
3. Hide herps in creative plajes
4. Change bakistani army uniphorm
....

Other suggestions are welcome !

Prem · Post by **Prem** » 30 Aug 2009 00:47

Al Anujandeen,
Baki Flag or TP iz unkomplete bithout the Vial of Vasleen (ViVa Bakistan). Blleeze to alwayz add dhis imbortant in-greedient of Bakistaniat.