Military Humor and related

SagarAg · Post by **SagarAg** » 24 Feb 2012 14:18

^ This is a lighthouse mate. It's your call.loool

Didn't know where to post so here it goes:
Frustrated-jawan-does-a-2-hour-Sholay
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city ... 013216.cms
XD

Gurneesh · Post by **Gurneesh** » 23 Mar 2012 07:17

I

on the stupidity of this fellow..

SKrishna · Post by **SKrishna** » 26 Mar 2012 19:54

Major Bearls Oph Wisdom

Fantastic reading especially of the "Strategic kind"

Strategic: Which is a mystical word, evoking thoughts of the Army, courage and intelligent planning, which automatically makes any bad idea sound profound. Try arguing along the lines of “If India attacks Pakistan, we will all run away, hide in the mountains of Afghanistan, re-group and then fight back” and you will be laughed out of the room. On the other hand, declaring with a solemn face “Pakistan needs strategic depth” and committing several million dollars to run training camps to train and send several thousands of illiterate, brainwashed fighters across the border is a profound military strategy. In this vein, while assets are needed for economic security for civilians, Strategic assets are needed for the security of the country (acquiring which, will make a country insolvent, but secure). Again, Pakistan’s propensity to pick up fights with the U.S. can be explained away as “Strategic defiance” which will not invite any retaliation from the U.S. due to Pakistan’s geostrategic location. Using the word “Strategic” liberally like:

Pakistan’s strategic defiance of the U.S. to acquire strategic depth in Afghanistan leaves little strategic options for the U.S. due to Pakistan’s geostrategic location and strategic assets.

Will elevate your columns from merely being an “Analysis” to the exalted heights of a “Strategic Analysis”. While a cynic will characterize Pakistan as a country of extremists and people who write columns about extremists, a strategic analyst on the other hand will highlight positive aspects of the society like:

VishalJ · Post by **VishalJ** » 16 Jun 2012 10:57

Kersi D · Post by **Kersi D** » 16 Jun 2012 11:42

Vishal Jolapara wrote:

What is the aircraft ? It looks like a F 102 Delta Dagger or F 106 Delta Dart. Shiv, your help, please.

VishalJ · Post by **VishalJ** » 16 Jun 2012 12:02

Kersi D wrote:
Vishal Jolapara wrote:

What is the aircraft ? It looks like a F 102 Delta Dagger or F 106 Delta Dart. Shiv, your help, please.

I googled the reg & it is a Convair F-102 Delta Dagger http://www.airliners.net/search/photo.s ... ch=56-1268

VishalJ · Post by **VishalJ** » 24 Jun 2012 07:28

My kinda Aviator

Surya · Post by **Surya** » 24 Jun 2012 07:51

and nothing gets sucked into the engine ???

silod · Post by **silod** » 26 Jun 2012 12:30

deleted

arijitkm · Post by **arijitkm** » 07 Jul 2012 19:24

deleted

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 13 Jul 2012 13:03

Made in China mortar

siddharth · Post by **siddharth** » 13 Jul 2012 14:46

jamwal wrote:Made in China mortar

The camera guy is not laughing

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 06 Aug 2012 21:28

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 09 Aug 2012 22:14

rajanb · Post by **rajanb** » 15 Aug 2012 18:35

http://po.st/V72zyj

Bird & Fortune The Admirals Interview

Enjoy.

keshavchandra · Post by **keshavchandra** » 17 Aug 2012 00:09

Wg Cdr Vatsal Kumar Singh has been awarded Shaurya Chakra

On 19 Dec 2011, Wg Cdr Vatsal Kumar Singh was detailed to fly a helicopter in a low level mission in the densely forested and heavily Naxal infested area, in support of the CRPF. The landing site was only a small clearing in the jungle with very tall trees around it and an undulating landing surface, which made the task even more difficult. After having completed two shuttles and having transported thirty commandos, while he was executing the third shuttle with seventeen persons on board, his helicopter was fired upon with automatic weapons from the left and below the aircraft. He immediately turned away from the probable direction of fire and gained height. After having ascertained that all aircraft parameters were normal, he decided to return to base, i.e. Jagdalpur. Subsequently, the aircraft started experiencing severe vibrations and the entire cargo compartment was filled with the smell of burnt explosives. The severe vibrations made it extremely challenging to make sure that the helicopter does not go out of control with an any time possibility of an engine malfunction, Wg Cdr VK Singh kept his calm and controlled the helicopter with his professional acumen and flying skills. He reduced the speed and minimised the vibrations and kept a close vigil on the vital engine parameters. His calm and controlled composure and exceptional courage ensured that he tracked every event in the helicopter meticulously and brought seventeen men and the machine to safety, in an extremely professional manner after flying for forty long and demanding minutes.

which Helicopter here, are we talking about?.....mi 17?

Rahul M · Post by **Rahul M** » 17 Aug 2012 00:11

why is this in the humour thread ?

arijitkm · Post by **arijitkm** » 27 Aug 2012 11:51

This is not Military Humor but true fact.

Man bites snake to death in revenge attack

Kathmandu: A Nepali man who was bitten by a cobra snake bit it back and killed the reptile in a tit-for-tat attack, a newspaper said on Thursday. Nepali daily Annapurna Post said Mohamed Salmo Miya chased the snake, which bit him in his rice paddy on Tuesday caught it and bit it until it died.

"I could have killed it with a stick but bit it with my teeth instead because I was angry," the 55-year-old Miya, who lives in a village some 200 km (125 miles) southeast of the Nepali capital of Kathmandu, was quoted by the daily as saying.

The snake, called 'goman' in Nepal, is also known as the Common Cobra.

Police official Niraj Shahi said the man, who was being treated at a village health post and was not in danger of dying, would not be charged with killing the snake because the reptile was not among snake species listed as endangered in Nepal.

And in the comments,

Code: Select all

The snake must have died of a heart attack!

and

Code: Select all

snake should have taken a tetanus vaccine injection :)

Raja Bose · Post by **Raja Bose** » 27 Aug 2012 11:57

^^^And why is this in the military humour thread instead of Nukkad?

arijitkm · Post by **arijitkm** » 27 Aug 2012 22:57

^^^because Nukkad thread is visible only to Registered member after login. But Military Humor and related thread is visible to all who visit the BR.

Afaik so many visitor regularly visit BR as a guest member without login.
Some of them also visit this thread.

p.s. Any suggestion where I can put the article related to Humor and ....., which will be seen by every visitors of the thread without login.

regards.
arijitkm.

nelson · Post by **nelson** » 09 Sep 2012 02:36

In the context of ubiquitous corruption in Indian system that even doesn't spare the war effort.

After the Lanka War, Hanuman submitted his Traveling Allowance Bill for his tour to pick up the Sanjevani booti. The Dealing Assistant in the TA Section raised 3 objections as under:
a) Hanuman did not take permission of King Bharat for undertaking the tour;
b) Hanuman being a Group 'D' official was not entitled to Air Travel; and,
c) Hanuman was asked to carry a plant, but instead carried the whole mountain. Hence claim for excess baggage not acceptable.

When Hanuman invited Ram's attention to the above, he stated that he could do nothing since the queries raised were as per rule. However, seeing Hanuman's plight, Lakshman volunteered to speak to the dealing assistant and offered him 10% of the TA Bill.

Now the dealing assistant wrote on file: -

㒥-examined. Since Bharat was ruling as a representative of Ram and since Hanuman had gone on official work under directions of Ram, these directions would not only suffice, but would also constitute permission to utilize non - entitled class of travel. The excess baggage is justified as Hanuman being a Group 'D' official might not have been able to properly identify the proper plant, and, bringing the wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys, thereby increasing expenditure from the exchequer. Accordingly, the claim, as submitted, may be passed.

Gurinder P · Post by **Gurinder P** » 14 Sep 2012 23:35

I had a bit too much time:

Raja Bose · Post by **Raja Bose** » 07 Oct 2012 01:20

MY FIRST FEW DAYS AT INDIAN MILITARY ACADEMY 51 YEARS AGO

Nine AM. A break in the drill period, when you could move away from the 'sacred' drill square and relax for a use of the hanky for two minutes. Company Drill Subedar Kanshi Ram of Dogras wanted to prove to the Asst Adjutant, Capt PS Vadehra that he was a fit candidate for an Officer's commission, so he bellowed in English: "GC! Why you understanding that wooden tree doing loose motions?" (Translated: 'You gentleman cadet there! Why are you doing uncoordinated movements with your body, while standing under the shade of that tree?'). "Stiffy" as he was known, Vadehra couldn't stifle his smile, while still noting that GC's name for '3 extra drills'.

VishalJ · Post by **VishalJ** » 10 Oct 2012 14:28

A K Antony promises to find amicable solution to IAF-Army turf war

This comes after IAF chief Air Chief Marshal N A K Browne just last week said his force had firmly rejected the Army's demand for having its own little air force'' of attack and medium-lift helicopters.
Tomorrow, if the Coast Guard asks for submarines, will we give them submarines from the Navy?'' he asked

Garam-Dharam Shri P.V. Naik you are fondly missed

negi · Post by **negi** » 10 Oct 2012 16:31

Speaking of usage of English in the armed forces like other areas American English has started making inroads in fauj too, not long ago I used to hear officers use the word 'bloody' liberally in almost every other sentence. Now I hear the four letter word a lot. However the tendency to use English despite not being comfortable with the language hasn't faded in all these years.

VishalJ · Post by **VishalJ** » 22 Oct 2012 00:57

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, ‘Pierre, kiss me!’
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips.
‘What are you doing, Pierre ?’ says the startled Marie.
‘I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!’
She smiles and they start kissing.

Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower.’
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
‘Pierre! What are you doing now?’ asks the bewildered Marie.
‘I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!’
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude: and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ‘Pierre, kiss me much lower!’
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, ‘PIERRE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?’
Our ‘hero’ stands and says defiantly,

‘I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!’

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 07 Nov 2012 15:20

Kersi D · Post by **Kersi D** » 07 Nov 2012 22:25

Vishal Jolapara wrote:My kinda Aviator

He must have come for a dental check-up

member_23657 · Post by **member_23657** » 07 Nov 2012 23:12

Vishal Jolapara wrote:Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air..............

Good one Vishal!

Kersi D · Post by **Kersi D** » 07 Nov 2012 23:18

Vishal Jolapara wrote:My kinda Aviator

He must have come for a dental check-up

chetak · Post by **chetak** » 08 Nov 2012 00:33

Kersi D wrote:
Vishal Jolapara wrote:My kinda Aviator

He must have come for a dental check-up

He is ideally positioned for a rectal examination

Kersi D · Post by **Kersi D** » 08 Nov 2012 11:23

chetak wrote:
Kersi D wrote:
He must have come for a dental check-up

He is ideally positioned for a rectal examination

saje · Post by **saje** » 30 Nov 2012 13:40

So here's a new one on the 'Late Combat Aircraft':

Q: Why was the Late Combat Aircraft made even more late in order to perfect it's ejection seat?
A: Knowing that it'll probably have to fight against Chinese spaceships, it's best to make sure that the ejection seat works well!

member_23370 · Post by **member_23370** » 30 Nov 2012 14:29

Why are the chinese buying these ejection seats? All their planes crash so often. K-8 crash in venuezela was the latest

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 01 Dec 2012 15:21

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 02 Dec 2012 11:35

Machine Gun Jetpack

The principle here is pretty simple. If you fire a bullet forward, the recoil pushes you back. So if you fire downward, the recoil should push you up.

The first question we have to answer is “can a gun even lift its own weight?” If a machine gun weighs ten pounds but only produces eight pounds of recoil when firing, it won’t be able to lift itself off the ground, let alone lift itself plus a person.

In the engineering world, the ratio between a craft’s thrust and the weight is called, appropriately, thrust-to-weight ratio. If it’s less than 1, the vehicle can’t lift off. The Saturn V had a takeoff thrust-to-weight ratio of about 1.5.

Despite growing up in the South, I'm not really a firearms expert, so to help answer this question, I got in touch with an acquaintence in Texas. (Judging by the amount of ammunition they had lying around their house ready to measure and weigh for me, Texas has apparently become some kind of Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic war zone.)
As it turns out, the AK-47 has a thrust-to-weight ratio of around two. This means if you stood it on end and somehow taped down the trigger (Note: Please, PLEASE do not try this at home) it would rise into the air while firing.

This isn’t true of all machine guns. The M60, for example, probably can’t produce enough recoil to lift itself off the ground.

The amount of thrust created by a rocket (or firing machine gun) depends on (1) how much mass it’s throwing out behind it, and (2) how fast it’s throwing it. Thrust is the product of these two amounts:

Thrust=Mass ejection rate×Speed of ejection

If an AK-47 fires ten 8g bullets per second at 715 meters per second, its thrust is:

10bullets
second
×8
grams
bullet
×715
meters
second
=57.2 N≈13 pounds of force

Since the AK-47 weighs only 10.5 pounds when loaded, it will be able to take off and accelerate upward.

In practice, the actual thrust turns out to be up to around 30% higher. The reason for this is that the gun isn’t just spitting out bullets—it’s also spitting out hot gas and explosive debris. The amount of extra force this adds varies by gun and cartridge.

The overall efficiency also depends on whether you eject the shell casings out of the vehicle or carry them with you. I asked my Texan acquaintences if they could weigh some shell casings for my calculations, but for a while they couldn't find a scale anywhere in the house. I helpfully suggested that given the size of their arsenal, really they just need to find someone else who owned a scale. (Ideally someone with less ammo.)

So what does all this mean for our jetpack?

Well, the AK-47 can take off, but it clearly doesn’t have the thrust to spare to lift anything weighing much more than a squirrel.

Aaryan · Post by **Aaryan** » 02 Dec 2012 12:58

jamwal wrote:

It should be in BENIS i think..

Kersi D · Post by **Kersi D** » 02 Dec 2012 16:50

Bheeshma wrote:Why are the chinese buying these ejection seats? All their planes crash so often. K-8 crash in venuezela was the latest

Have you ever heard of any official communication about air crashes in Pakistan or China ?

dinesha · Post by **dinesha** » 05 Dec 2012 12:48

kaushik m · Post by **kaushik m** » 05 Dec 2012 16:20

^^^
assembled in N Korea and painted in Pukistan