Phraam lasht bheek's Jumma Times:
Ittefaq Nama
Asif called me and did gila shikva that why Shbaz Saab and Chory Nisar went to see the fauji. I told him that it’s all your own faalt. You should have sat dawn with me and done muk mukaa, lain dain, give and take on Charter of Democracy and we would have sarted out everything. You have pushed me to vaal Asif, I told him. That’s why I sent them to see fauji. Asif said don’t you know that faujis will never be your lovers. I said I know but I will see them when tam comes. Finally, Asif asked, what is your adwize. I decided not to be blunt but to give dipsomaniac answer so I said, please don’t buy any long playing records, hain ji?
I have great political abdomen. I decided to make secret trip to Pindi to hob nob with faujis. I arrived in Pindi Mess. There was a function going on there. I started talking to a fauji in civvies. I said “excuse me. Is that buoy standing there your son?” The fauji in civvies said, “no, she is my daughter”. I said, “very sorry. I dint know that you are her father”. “I am not” said the fauji, “I am her mother”. See, in civilian life this sart of thing never happens. There we always know who’s who. Then I tried to make further conversation with fauji. I said population is exploding. He said, “no elected government can stop having babies”. I said politely, “You are so clever. I’m sure you know how many women are having babies every minute of the day, hain ji? If so, what will you do about it?” Fauji said, “It’s Standard Operating Procedure. We will find all those women and order them to stop.”
To make further conversation I said, “why you never liked shaheed Benazir?” Fauji said, “because if she’d become PM, and with Sonia Gandhi ruling India, whole of subcontinent would have become No Man’s Land”. Then to be further charming, I said with a polite smile,“would you like a Defence and National Security Council?” “Oh yes!!” said the fauji. “In which Defence would you like it? Karachi? Lahore? And how many plots in this Defence will be civilian quota?” I asked. There was no answer from fauji. To make conservation I further asked charmingly, “what do you have against politicians?” Fauji said, “they are all thieves. From smallest to biggest thefts they are doing. From stealing perfumes in shops to taking billions from exchequer. It is all vagrancy”. Again I said charmingly, “I’m sorry but I bag to duffer. Stealing perfumes is not vagrancy, it is fragrancy.”
Desaan vich des Punjab,
Nee sayyo,
Jivain phhulaan vich phhul gulab,
Nee sayyo
NS
A kuffar ij magging bun of land of purreee... Pleez bass broper fatwa against him....
Jeevay Jeevay AnurJandullah! bhat a sharp aankh, bhaat samajh oph the yindoo culture!
He said something apout mullah bhich I do naat rememper. Maybe vamanullah will pe aple to helb hiyar. Anyway I had to shut him ub, so I sunaoed him a doha oph my own:
