Purely by accident I came across this post on the same subject as this thread on a totally defense unrelated site which makes for hilarious reading and though slightly dated, but still very relevant. I liked the post very much - full of pun n satire - and thought of sharing the same with other BRFites:
http://ceoworld.biz/ceo/2010/03/04/indi ... o-will-win
steve on Fri, 25th Sep 2009 3:07 pm
No 1:Gripen.
The US has banned this filly from using an Israeli AESA radar,to keep its blinkers from being equal to or better than that of the F-18SH's (which seems to be the preferred choice for the US for India).Unless there is a setback to the LCA breeding programme,the Gripen is at the start of the race trotting at the tail end of the field,as though it would be perhaps cheaper than the others,it would mean acquiring a new aircraft and breeding tech.The SAAB stud farm also suffers from a major setback,the lack of a strong “jockey”,meaning a political powerhouse,who can steer the horse through the bunch at the finish.In this respect,the US,Russia and the French probably have the best jockeys.
Odds:30-1 (good long shot though)
N0 2:F-16 Falcon.
This famous gelding ,rather long in the tooth,has been racing for three decades now and has in the past won many a trophy.But it is handicapped by its age and the fact that our rival stable to our west,wearing “green colours”,has a horse from the same breeder and the same parents.Therefore,it is highly unlikely that we will want the equivalent of two Ambassador cars trying to race each other across Howrah Bridge (hilarious to behold),a task in which neither can defeat the other! In addition,the gelding is accused of quietly stealing secret measurements of the course from the clubhouse,infuriating its rivals especially the French,who want it disqualified or to run with a high handicap,The F-16 is slightly behind the Gripen at this stage of the race,gamely bringing up the rear.
Odds: 50-1
No 3:MIG-35.
This Russian stallion from the famous MIG bureau,has in its early “Coltish” days got the better in sprint exercises of the American gelding above,especially those animals in German colours.It dances in the air like a Nuryev or Nijinsky.The animal,has been fed on some 100 proof vodka and now is unequalled in the sprint,thanks to its TVC tail,which can swish in any direction,able to swat flies “tous azimuths” ! Its former “farting” problems have been resolved with a better diet and since Indian jockeys have ridden its younger brother before and are breeding the same,buying more for the IN too,should make it one of the hot favourites.In addition,it has a splendid Russian jockey,the very same one who rode the SU-30MKI into IAF colours,who “knows” Indian Race Clubs and their stewards very well,should it all come down to a photo-finish.Acquriing this supersonic sprinter should be the cheapest option for the IAF,especially as a nuclear fuelled fish has just been launched with Russian breeding expertise and another Russian bred fish is due later this year for the IN.However,there is a handicap factor going against this fancy from winning,its blinkers capability and in that the IAF already have that incomporable undefeated stallion,the SU-30MKI Flanker in its stable and are going to breed an even finer stealthy sprinter called the PAK-FA ,of 5th-genetic strain,from the Sukhoi stud farm.The IAF's stable might like to indulge in some cross-breeding by acquiring a European or western genetic strain of horseflesh to avoid too much of in-breeding.It's well placed for the final sprint,just behind the leaders.
Odds: 4-1
No 4:F-18 Super Hornet.
This expensive American pony has had as long an innings as the F-16 and the animal has been given massive doses of steroids to keep it racing like the late Flo-Jo.However,its long innings is coming to a close as owners like Oz do not want to buy any more from this family.Most of America's allies who race this beast are lusting after another young foal called the JSF F-35,plus this nag comes in at a very expensive price for its age and has no future for breeding.American breeders are trying their best to sell this pony with warpaint,claiming that their nag is favourite of western jockeys and has the best long-distance eyesight thanks to AESA blinkers.All the other animals in the race claim that they too have the same kind of blinkers,though of different make.However,the US had a smart jockey earlier called Bush,who saw to it that the supply of nuclear fodder was dependent upon India buying a US animal! The White House stud farm,under new Black management,will do its best to keep the deal from unravelling,and sent an experienced female jockey called Clinton to give it the whip.Unhappy Congressmen however are trying to put new conditions upon the supply of nuclear fodder and also dictate to India the specified courses where the animal can run and where it cannot.It also wants the right to inspect the animal wherever it is running and even during a race,to see if its testicles are not being used clandestinely for stud purposes!This to many in India is unacceptable,as it might prove impossible to entertain especially during a race againt mortal rival Pakistan.India is however willing to allow semen samples to be sent outside its stables for testing.It is this factor,that nuclear fodder ,other saddle-room spares and breeding technology might be witheld by America,especially if we test radio-active fodder again.Some insiders say that despite these handicaps,the stewards “have been made an offer they cannot refuse”.Watch this pony's progress carefully keeping in mind that old axiom,”Money makes the mare go”!
Leading the pack at the moment,but can it remain first at the finish?
Odds: 5-1
No 5:Rafale.
This fine French filly is a raring to go anywhere and has great capability for the future.It can cavort across any course like a Moulin Rouge dancer and has a perfectly shaped body with superbly shaped boobs,lovely smooth legs and underbelly and an inviting behind.Having enjoyed the pleasure of riding iits older sister,the Mirage-2000,which has satisfied IAF jockeys for years,this animal should in fact be the hot favourite,but in typical French fashion,the horse entered the stalls facing in the opposite direction as they run so on French courses and was about to be disqualified to the delight of the Americans.The small made French jockey,Sarko,light in the saddle,came to its rescue and used Dassault's great influence with the stewards to allow it to continue in the race.The chief handicap of this splendid filly is that like all fine French wares,it is an expensive acquisition, and has not won any races outside Longchamp.It was unduly handicapped the French claim,thanks to some “pulling”,”doping” and opening the gates last at the start,due to American stable owners when running on pro-American courses in the Far East.Since the IAF jockeys have a taste for fine French fillies,this filly is in with a great chance.
The filly is running just behind the leaders ahead of the MIG-35
Odds:3-1.
No 5:EADS Typhoon,
This fine stallion is a cross-breed genetically,of the best of non-French European traditions.It is racing for several European nations,especially in the colours of British and German stables.Both a powerful sprinter and endued with great stamina,this European animal has the advantage that its breeder,EADS,has already won a race for a breeding contract for the LCA Tejas programme,as the animal lacks both power and stamina and needs careful breeding programme.EADS is willing to provide both breeding tech and the right fodder machine (EJ-200) to make the LCA filly go.The breeders also claim that this stallion can compare favourably with the king of the course,the Flanker SU-30 MKI in the IAF's stables.Running juast behind the leader,the SH.
