Military Humor and related

gpurewal · Post by **gpurewal** » 21 Jan 2019 07:33

JayS wrote:Are they wearing motorcycle helmets..? Tony stark must be laughing somewhere..

More like Catherine Halsey cringing at the sight of the cheap Chinese knock offs.

Austin · Post by **Austin** » 03 Feb 2019 09:47

3 Key Differences between Naval Aviation and The Air Force

Manish_P · Post by **Manish_P** » 12 Feb 2019 12:58

'Deep penetration' indeed

Manish_P · Post by **Manish_P** » 15 Apr 2019 14:04

Would this qualify as an aircraft carrier?

gpurewal · Post by **gpurewal** » 15 Apr 2019 22:35

This is a snippet from "The Intruders" by Stephen Coonts. The protagonist (naval aviator) has been transferred to a Marine Attack Squadron and his colleagues are chatting about the Marine aviators.

Tricky was a wiry, dark, compact man. Now his brows knitted. “Knew a
Marine fighter pilot once. Flew an F-4. He diverted from the ship into Cecil
Field one night. Black night. You guys know Cecil, big as half of Texas, with
those parallel runways?”
His listeners nodded. Tricky took another swig of beer. After he swallowed
and cleared his throat, he continued: “For reasons known only to God, he
plunked his mighty Phantom down between those parallel runways. In the grass.
Hit the radar shack head-on, smacked it into a million splinters.”
Tricky sighed, then continued: “The next day the squadron maintenance
officer went into Cecil on the COD, looked the plane over pretty good, had it
towed outta the dirt onto a taxi-way, then filled it with gas and flew it back to the
ship. It was a little scratched up but nothing serious. Things happen to Marines.”
They talked about that—about the odds of putting a tactical jet with a landing
weight of 45,000 pounds down on grass and not ripping one or more of the gear
off the plane.
“I knew a Marine once,” Billy Doyle said when the conversation lagged, “who
forgot to pull the power back when he landed. He was flying an F-4D.”
His listeners nodded.
“He went screeching down the runway with the tires smoking, went off the
end and drove out across about a half mile of dirt. Went through the base
perimeter fence and across a ditch that wiped off the landing gear. Skidded on
across a road, and came to rest with the plane straddling a railroad track. He sat
there awhile thinking it over, then finally shut ’er down and climbed out. He was
standing there looking ’er over when a train came along and plowed into the
wreck. Smashed it to bits.”
They sipped beer while they thought about forgetting to pull the throttle to idle
on touchdown, about how it would feel sitting dazed in the cockpit of a crashed
airplane with the engine still running as the realization sank in that you had
really screwed the pooch this time. Really screwed the pooch.
“Things happen to Marines,” Billy Doyle added.
“Their bad days can be spectacular,” Bob Landow agreed in his bass growl.
He was a bear of a man, with biceps that rippled the material of his shirt.
“Marine F-8 pilot was trans-Pacing one time, flying the pond.”
He paused and lubricated his throat while his listeners thought about flying a
single-seat fighter across the Pacific, about spending ten or twelve hours
strapped to an ejection seat in the tiny cockpit.
Landow’s growl broke the silence. “The first time he hit the tanker for gas, the
fuel cells overpressurized and ruptured. Fuel squirted out of every orifice. It
squirted into the engine bay and in seconds the plane caught fire.
“At this point our Marine decides to eject. He pulls the face curtain. Nothing
happens. But not yet to sweat, because he has the secondary handle between his
legs. He gives that a hell of a jerk. Nothing. He just sits there in this unejectable
seat in this burning aircraft with fuel running out of every pore over the vast
Pacific.
“This is turning into a major-league bad day. He yanks on the handle a couple
more times like King Kong with a hard on. Nothing happens. Gawdalmighty,
he’s getting excited now. He tries jettisoning the canopy. Damn thing won’t go
off. It’s stuck. This is getting seriouser and seriouser.
“The plane is burning like a blowtorch by this time and he’s getting really
excited. He pounds and pounds at the canopy while the plane does smoky
whifferdills. Finally the canopy departs. Our Marine is greatly relieved. He
unstraps and prepares to climb out. This is an F-8, you understand, and if he
makes it past that tail in one piece he will be the very first. But he’s going to give
it a try. He starts to straighten up and the wind just grabs him and whoom—he’s
out—free-falling toward the ocean deep and blue. Out, thank God, out!
“He falls for a while toward the Pacific thinking about Marine maintenance,
then decides it’s time to see if the parachute works. It wasn’t that kind of a day.
Damn thing streams.”
“No!” several of his listeners groaned in unison.
“I shit you not,” Bob Landow replied. He helped himself to more beer as his
Marine fell from an indifferent sky toward an indifferent sea with an unopened
parachute streaming behind him.
“What’s the rest of it?” Tricky demanded.
Landow frowned. There is a certain pace to a good sea story, and Tricky had a
bad habit of rushing it. Not willing to be hurried, Landow took another sip of
beer, then made a show of wiping his lips with a napkin. When he had the glass
back on the bar and his weight lifter’s arms crossed just so, he said, “He had
some Marine luck there at the end. Pulled strings like a puppeteer and got a few
panels of the rag to blossom. Just enough. Just enough.”
He shook his head wearily and settled a baleful gaze on Jake Grafton. “Things
happen to Marines. You be careful out there, Jake.”
“Yeah,” Jake told them as he glanced out the window at the reflection of small
puffy clouds on the limpid blue water. “I will.”

deejay · Post by **deejay** » 31 May 2019 20:43

This is for those who get it. ACM Dhanoa was the RO at the just concluded POP at NDA. But then this did not happen at the Parade. It happened the night before at the RO Dinner.

29 May, RO dinner, Air Chief as RO ...

RO chats with ACC 136 NDA and gives a demo of a Square Meal ....

Surreal ...

(As shared with me with some minor modifications).

Manish_P · Post by **Manish_P** » 18 Oct 2019 14:35

Why thrust vectoring is dangerous on the ground as well

Nikhil T · Post by **Nikhil T** » 06 Dec 2019 01:00

Ex-PAF Officer's hilarious editorial in Daily Times trying to diss India's indigenous military capabilities..ends up being a failure himself.

Agni III's embarrassing failure

This is not the first time that Indian missile tests have suffered catastrophes. In 2009, the variants of the missile system, Agni-I and Agni-II failed to deliver results during trails. The Indian Army and its projectile attempts were left embarrassed once again the other day. This time, due to a failed attempt of a night test for the Agni-III missile.

The missile proclaimed to be rocking nuclear capability, shambolically fell in the Odisha sea after the test failed. India considers the Agni-III missile as one of its most prized possessions. The team of the Agni-III had to eat a humble pie yet again.

Ever heard of rocking nuclear capability?

Indian defence planers are aghast that given the Pak-India hostilities, if India had gone to war with Pakistan, and used the Agni-III missile; instead of hitting the enemy, the Agni-III with ‘nuclear capability’ would have fallen somewhere in India only.

Top klass analysis.

Satellite images vividly tell the tale of the failure. Closer inspection of the ground shows that the debris from the missile dispersed across the lightly forested area to the northeast of the launch pad and along southern coast of the island. The main debris fields appear to be concentrated in vegetated areas that continued to burn and smoke, while the debris in the sand burnt out relatively quickly.

So missile was shot from Abdul Kalam island, traveled 115Km, and somehow ended up next to the launch pad in the sand?

These Indian defence woes have inspired cynics to label DRDO as “DODO”.

Sure.

The writer is a retired Group Captain of PAF. He is a columnist, analyst and TV talk show host

Another madrasa educated, Pak Fizzaya.

Thakur_B · Post by **Thakur_B** » 10 Dec 2019 19:50

Veteran vs re-enlistment offer

Zynda · Post by **Zynda** » 06 Apr 2020 18:55

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1246 ... 14368.html

Some badly needed humor based on True Events...Posting in full with images.

It often seems that the golden age of naval idiocy has disappeared forever.

I'm therefore pleased to note that the Venezuelan patrol vessel Naiguatá has managed to recapture some of this spirit by fighting the dumbest action of the 21st century.

The trouble began when RCGS Resolute, a smallish cruise liner specialising in penguin-bothering, stopped to repair her engines in international waters.

Outraged by this brazen act of maintenance, Naiguatá's captain seems to have decided to order Resolute to a Venezuelan port.

This in itself is a bit weird, given the times we're in. Countries across the globe are trying to persuade cruise ships to dock elsewhere lest their plague-ridden hordes cause a major public health crisis.

Quite how the Naiguatá's captain thought his superiors would react to him merrily sailing into Puerto Moreno with his potentially infectious captive in tow remains a mystery.

Resolute seems to have also thought this was a superbly dumb idea, so radioed head office for instructions.

Naiguatá's captain appears to have taken this delay badly.

At this point it's worth reviewing both ships armaments.

Seen here posing moodily in the manner of a teenager that has just discovered My Chemical Romance, Naiguatá had a 76mm main gun, a air/missile defence gun, two smaller machine guns and presumably also some small arms.

Resolute, on the other hand, is armed with nothing more deadly than a well-stocked library, Finnish sauna, and "a superb international wine list".

Some of its passengers are believed to have had binoculars.

It's fair to say that Naiguatá's captain is not to a patient man. With Resolute still sitting there doing nothing he escalated straight past asking nicely and apparently opened fire.

I'm presuming this wasn't with the 76mm main gun, but at this point who knows?

Actual gunfire failing to achieve anything in the way of changing Resolute's heading, Naiguatá then decided to commence ramming it in an attempt to forceably change its direction.

This was... unwise.

RCGS Resolute is designed to bounce off icebergs. You know, the sort of thing that opened Titanic up like a can opener.

Naiguatá, on the other hand, was strictly designed to handle water in its liquid phase.

Needless to say the ramming attempts ended up with twenty extremely pissed off Venezuelan sailors being fished out of the water after their patrol vessel sank underneath them.

After an hour hanging around on standby in case it was required to help with the rescue effort, Resolute was left to buff out its battle damage.

So if next time you go on a cruise there's a silhouette of a patrol vessel marking a successful 'kill' on the bow, now you know why...

deejay · Post by **deejay** » 07 Apr 2020 12:17

It looks like the Resolute rammed using its bow. The Bow damage on resolute is too high for the Venezuelan Ship. There is video of the incident in a tweet below and kind of supports my theory.

The tweet series looks like whitewashing what actually happened.

Zynda · Post by **Zynda** » 09 Apr 2020 14:53

This is quite amusing...puts a chuckle on the face. Some small talk between KC-10 operator & F-15 pilots during mid-air re-fuelling.

Manish_P · Post by **Manish_P** » 09 Apr 2020 15:15

Zynda ji, F22 jocks are way cooler than F15 dudes... they got time for riddles..and some philosophical musings too

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 15 May 2020 16:04

https://twitter.com/sandythapar/status/ ... 79744?s=20 ---> There is a tradition in the Services to seek your CO's permission to get married. This one is an absolute rocker!

and here is the reply...

basant · Post by **basant** » 05 Jun 2020 19:04

Link

Shwetabh Singh Rajput @singhshwetabh71 #OSINT
HAL working on a twin wing design which replaces canards with delta wings. This gives planes 4 wings, which can be used in case two wings are shot.

basant · Post by **basant** » 15 Jun 2020 22:12

Wish we could get some of these and turn them into UAVs! Just for killer looks!

Hat's off to Skunk Works and Kelly Johnson!

gpurewal · Post by **gpurewal** » 07 Jul 2020 12:20

basant · Post by **basant** » 08 Jul 2020 19:10

Please correct me, if we buy Gripen, JF-17 and HESA Kowsar too, we'd be flying a/c from all nations that are producing military planes currently. We can have our own UNO type organization and show unity in diversity. However, if we don't hurry up, S.K., Turkey and Japan also will join the list.

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 09 Jul 2020 00:36

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 17 Aug 2020 23:48

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 17 Aug 2020 23:49

RajaRudra · Post by **RajaRudra** » 18 Aug 2020 20:00

https://www.news18.com/news/buzz/man-re ... 97347.html

Man Rescued by IAF from Dam in Chhattisgarh Says He Had Jumped in After a Fight with His Wife

"Caught between wife and IAF"

basant · Post by **basant** » 20 Oct 2020 10:17

The way DRDO is going great with modular approach spinning so many variants (ASM to anti-sat) -- if we ask for a space shuttle the may deliver it fast. A model they may consider is here:

Happy Tuesday

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 18 Nov 2020 20:55

Click on link below to read more....

https://twitter.com/JimMFelton/status/1 ... 43650?s=20 ----> For 15 years Sweden thought Russian submarines were invading its waters, but it turned out to be fish farts.

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 22 Nov 2020 04:27

https://twitter.com/abhayla/status/1327 ... 28353?s=20 ---> Finally the picture of fully stealth fighter jet is out.

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 24 Nov 2020 16:58

Typical FPS gamer in real life.

Manish_P · Post by **Manish_P** » 24 Nov 2020 18:18

Poor guy

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 09 Dec 2020 21:04

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 09 Dec 2020 21:05

https://twitter.com/Mave_Intel/status/1 ... 37408?s=20 ---> He fly, He attack, He take break. He snack.

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 11 Dec 2020 14:22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P_VPNYaeNs
Any soo**** can make any video about anything and have lakhs of views!

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 15 Dec 2020 19:46

https://twitter.com/ChrisAn23283462/sta ... 22499?s=20 ---> What is Glocalisation? General Rawat recently used this word at a Virtual Summit.

https://twitter.com/bsdhanoa/status/133 ... 10179?s=20 ---> When you shove a Glock up a very localised spot to get someone’s attention.

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 23 Dec 2020 05:43

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 27 Dec 2020 06:24

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 30 Dec 2020 07:54

https://twitter.com/Chopsyturvey/status ... 66885?s=20 ---> Can be done only by Pakistan Army. Already done once in 1971.

jamwal · Post by **jamwal** » 04 Jan 2021 13:56

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 11 Jan 2021 08:08

ArjunPandit · Post by **ArjunPandit** » 29 Jan 2021 18:05

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pakistan_ ... al_Complex

Project Azm
On 7 July 2017 the Pakistan Air Force announced the development of a fifth-generation fighter jet technology's, a stealth medium-altitude long-endurance unmanned aerial vehicle (MALE UAV) and munitions and a smart longer range surface to air missile systems SAM missile systems under the banner of Project Azm. Pakistani public and private sectors are jointly working on the development of Next generation stealth fighter aircraft (PAC PF-X) whose first flight is expected in 2030, moreover work has also begun for the development of stealth MALE-UCAV ZF-1 Viper. The information about this Multirole Stealth drone was first revealed at International Defence Exhibition and Seminar held at Karachi, this UAV will have both air-to-air and air-to-surface laser weapon capabilities, it will have a maximum takeoff weigh of 16000tons and a flight ceiling of 915000km and its speed will be Mach 80. Certain rumours were being spread that China might be helping Pakistan in this project, but Pakistan's Air Marshal Shahid Latif (retired), who played a key role in the development of PAC JF-17 Thunder, nullified the rumours by saying "CKMKB" and that although they still have an option to go for joint collaboration with China, but PAF had gained as much experience and knowledge after the successful development of PAC JF-17 Thunder that PAC engineers are experienced enough to begin development of a next generation fighter on their own.[19][20][21][22][23] Air Chief Marshal Sohail Aman stated that the design phase for the MALE UAV was in its final stages. The CAS had also revealed the current Air Staff Requirements (ASR) of the FGFA, i.e., a “twin-engine single-seater, boasting the likes of super-cruise and laser weapons (directed energy weapons). Thus, the FGFA is not only an indigenous clean-sheet design, but currently slated as a medium-to-heavyweight, high-performance jet.[19][23] Pakistan Air Force showcased the conceptual design of a future stealth aircraft on the tail of the PAF C-130 at the Royal International Air Tattoo (RIAT) 2019. However, there's no official statement regarding this by PAF.[24]

As per the yearbook of the Pakistan Ministry of Defence Production (MoDP) for the year 2017-2018, the Aviation Research, Innovation and Development (AvRID) Secretariat has finalized the first of the four conceptual design stage cycles for the development of the Pakistan Air Force’s Fifth-Generation Fighter Aircraft (FGFA) program.[24]

can someone please take a screenshot from wiki and post this on twitter and save this for progeny..so that we knew what someone did

basant · Post by **basant** » 29 Jan 2021 22:07

ArjunPandit wrote:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pakistan_ ... al_Complex

Project Azm
...
can someone please take a screenshot from wiki and post this on twitter and save this for progeny..so that we knew what someone did

ArjunPandit · Post by **ArjunPandit** » 29 Jan 2021 22:53

seems like page has been changed slightly, if you note CKMKB is not there..the guys changed and didnt change the factors..or the tail part...

Rakesh · Post by **Rakesh** » 30 Jan 2021 02:21